How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others with Michael Henri

0:00 Hello and welcome back to the podcast. My name is Michael Henry and I am your host for today. And today we're going to be stepping into talking about something that is very relatable, very human experience that probably everyone listening and everyone in the world can relate to. Something that often stirs quietly beneath the surface of your mind and your life, and that is comparison. Comparison to others, comparison to anything else outside of your own being.

0:31 So maybe you've seen another person, another teacher teaching full classes. Maybe it's some sort of professional or somebody doing something that you enjoy or something that you're already doing. And you wonder to yourself, am I doing enough or noticing someone else's success? And felt a bit of a pang of doubt in your own journey comparing yours to theirs.

0:59 So while comparison is natural, it's very human. We all do it. But when we stay trapped in this comparison cycle, we end up shrinking ourselves and shrinking our possibilities, possibly even shrinking our actions. So today, we're going to gently shift the lens from what we call scarcity and competition to shared abundance. Because there is room for all of us. Here we go.

1:42 So before we jump into the core content of another friendly reminder, if you haven't done so already, to just support our podcast by giving us a star review. If you haven't done so, just go down to your main podcast page for this podcast and find the little star review section and just give us some love. We'd really appreciate it.

2:00 I know it only takes a few seconds of your time. So if you just dedicated to doing it now, that actually goes a long way for us to be able to extend, share and make accessible this podcast, this information to help people not just learn about yoga, but learn about themselves and learn about how they can be a better human throughout the world.

2:17 So thank you for that. Otherwise, let's jump into today's conversation about not necessarily scarcity, but more so about comparison. Even though they're related, everybody can relate to comparison as it is very natural. It is a human experience that we all do all the time. So let's start to break it down into some simple concepts, one of them being the scarcity mindset versus enoughness, satisfaction, or contentment.

2:49 So if we were to kind of look at the scarcity mindset, it can be used in a lot of different ways, but I think in most cases it's used in the context of money. Having a scarcity mindset is usually related to not having enough.

3:02 So even though it can be related to money in this context, we're going to be talking about it in more general. The scarcity mindset as a belief that there is not enough of something for me. There's not enough success, there's not enough love, there's not enough money, maybe not enough opportunity to go around that there isn't enough for me.

3:24 And therefore when I compare to other people, I see that someone else is having more success, love, opportunity, and therefore I am not enough. I am not doing enough or something to that effect. So that mindset, just hearing the words, even me speaking the words, makes it feel a little bit closed, makes it feel a little less low vibration, if you will. It creates a sense of competition and fear, even amongst friends and peers, versus the concept of enoughness, satisfaction,

3:58 contentment, which is the feeling that you are already complete, exactly as you are. And it's knowing that you do not need to earn your place in this world at all. When comparison takes hold of us, it can sound like there's not enough for me. If they're succeeding, I must be failing. Why even try whenever I work so hard? But this person's doing it better than me. So this type of mindset, this type of perspective on the world shrinks ourselves.

4:31 It shrinks our possibilities, our light, our actions, and stops us from pushing forward. Now, when we're comparing to other people, the fact that we're comparing to other people means we're looking outward for these, let's say, metrics of success comparing to what exists around us.

4:52 But if people always did that, then we would never actually succeed and grow into learning more. Meaning at one point in time, not everybody was doing everything that is currently going on. So at some point someone had to move forward without the the need to compare because there was no one else to do it.

5:11 But in a world like now, there's so many people doing different things, that comparison needs to actually have a bit of a shift. Not so much as, ah, someone else is doing it and they're doing it better than me, but more so, ah, there's someone else that's doing it and they're doing it really well.

5:26 Maybe I can learn from them. Maybe there's something that they're doing that I can take away from so that I can grow myself. Maybe looking at them as more of a, maybe not a mentor, but a role model in some sort of way in which I can not necessarily take everything that they're doing to be my own, but there's certain elements of what I'm comparing myself to that I could probably learn from this individual. They're doing something right.

5:54 They must be doing something right, or why am I even comparing myself to them? But the context of aw, I haven't gotten there yet or they're so far ahead of me, how will I ever even catch up? How will I even get there? That type of mentality is very limiting and it stops us from growing and pursuing the things that we love to do.

6:19 Also, knowing that no matter what the context or whatever it is that we're actually doing, everything that can be done, can be done uniquely to yourself. Meaning you, you, you yourself, an individual in this world that is no sane, no same is not the same as anyone else. Meaning that you are so unique that no matter what the context of what is being done, whether it's playing a sport, teaching a yoga class, doing some sort of task, it can be done uniquely in the way that is your way.

6:51 So when we compare ourselves to other people, we're comparing ourselves to someone else's uniqueness versus comparing it to our own style and the way in which we do it. Sure, we might be looking at it from a perspective of like, oh, I'm not doing it well enough because they're doing it so much better and they have more followers, they have more success, they have more attention, but they might have just been doing it longer than you.

7:15 Chances are that is true. In fact, almost always that is true. But if they, that person that we're comparing ourselves to, had that same mentality, that same scarcity mindset, then perhaps they wouldn't have gone as far as they have. So for you or me or whoever is listening to this podcast about trying something, doing something, that is feeling like there's other people that are doing it and there's a comparison component that's involved. If we let that scarcity mindset

7:53 stop us from taking action, moving forward, pushing through barriers, continuously learning, maybe through a beginner's mindset, then that's stopping us from being able to unlock, let's say, doors or create any type of growth in our life.

8:11 So when we kind of shift the gears from this scarcity mindset and move into something more abundant, we're going to actually use the word enoughness, which is defined as the feeling that you are already complete exactly as you are, knowing that you do not need to earn your place in this world.

8:33 So when we're thinking of these concepts, let's reflect on a point in time or basically, basically, excuse me or a recent moment. When comparison showed up, what actually triggered it? Why did you feel the need to compare yourself to that individual?

8:54 Is it because you like what they're doing? Is it because you look up to them? Or is it that you see the accolades or the achievements or the praise that they're getting and there's a little bit of perhaps envy there? Ultimately, how did it feel in your body? What triggered it and how did it feel in your body? Sitting with that in itself and creating awareness around the emotional state or feelings around this enoughness versus scarcity and wanting to be able

9:28 to be better as an individual. But shrinking ourselves when we look outwardly is limiting ourselves. So when we compare or we look at this from a more developed lens using yogic perspective or the Eastern perspective, we can look at it from the term Apatigraha which is one of the yamas and yogic philosophy of the first limb of yoga, which is non attachment or non grasping. Reminding us that clinging to outcomes, being connected or attached to outcomes, roles, or

10:08 even status creates suffering, limits our growth and decreases possibilities, ultimately lowering our quality of life. Freedom comes when we trust in the unfolding of our own path, our own unique path, that when we compare to others, we dim, we smother. So by comparing to others, we're actually shrinking ourselves in such a way that doesn't allow us to grow, to evolve, to expand outward, to share whatever gifts that we might have, which trust me, you have many gifts, some of

10:49 which do get smothered because they're not able to actually come through because of some of these states of mind, whether it be scarcity mindset or in the previous podcast we talked about also beginners mindset. So freedom comes when we trust in the unfolding of our own individual path.

11:13 Now let's look at it from a scientific or let's say Western perspective a little bit more. The brain, I guess it's more of the neurological component. Social comparison activates the brain's fear centers, the amygdala, the reptilian part of your brain, reinforcing that scarcity thinking, meaning there isn't enough, therefore I need to preserve, I need to take actions for survival. But when we're consciously reframing this comparison into inspiration or possibly

11:51 motivation in a healthy way, we activate different neural pathways associated with motivation and creativity versus that smothering or deactivation of that part of our brain that is allowing us to push forward, take action, take initiative.

12:12 So fear is obviously a common theme in a lot of these podcasts where fear comes through and fear is a real thing. I don't want to take anything away from it. In fact, it's actually really helpful in a lot of ways. But it's also something that we need to be mindful of.

12:24 We need to create awareness around, which is why I love this podcast, to be able to actually share and create awareness about it, have discussions and talk about it. So what if someone else's success is not your loss or my loss, but proof of what is actually possible?

12:45 Seeing that someone else is already doing it should almost shift into more of a motivation of like, if they're doing it, that means that I can do it too. Someone else is doing it. If there's someone out there that if you're trying to do something that no one else is doing and it doesn't exist yet, while that could be exciting, it's also hard.

13:06 Even harder, I'd say, to feel inspired and motivated because you might not even know necessarily how to get there. The path is not been walked before, which is a rare thing. But if that were the case, it's much harder. Much, much, much harder. So instead of seeing other people or comparing yourself to other people or seeing it as a competition, it's actually better to recognize and appreciate that someone else is already doing something and they're doing something really, really well.

13:37 Seeing them as more of a role model. Role model or a mentor can help us to shift more to that inspiration and motivation to want to not necessarily be like them, but take elements of what they represent or what they're showing and cultivating that in your own way authentically and delivering it uniquely to the world.

14:00 That's the difference between scarcity mindset and enoughness. It's knowing that there is so much available in the world that we do not need to shrink ourselves because someone else is doing it and maybe doing it a little bit longer than we've been doing it. Another way we can kind of look at this conversation is about how we can isolate versus collectively grow, and that's really what it is.

14:28 Scarcity mindset is narrowing the focus on me, me, me, I, I, I versus growth mindset or enoughness, which is more about there is enough for everybody, but we'll use different language. We'll talk a collective growth instead. So isolation itself is the feeling of being separated, unseen and not belonging to let's say, the community or industry in which we're in.

14:58 So we compare and therefore that often fuels that isolation by convincing ourselves that we are alone in the struggles. If they're doing it, they're doing it separate from me and therefore I have to figure out all on my own and I have to try to beat them. That isolation mindset perspective limits your and also makes it difficult to kind of come out and shine versus being inspired by what they're doing, learning from what they're doing, following them and maybe

15:31 taking elements of what they're doing and saying, ha, I like that And I think I can do it better or I think I can do it in a way that's more unique to me. And I think that'll help resonate with the world and help resonate with whatever it is that you're doing and the people around you.

15:48 So removing ourselves from this isolated mindset, this me, me, me, I, I, I and not letting it be selfish scarcity mindset and moving into that enoughness or this collective growth or collective mindset. So collective growth is the belief that we all rise together, we are all one and we are all connected. Bring it back to the yoga.

16:11 Yoga means union. Union means one. So not to get too far into that aspect, but one person, when one person succeeds, it opens the doors for other people. When we do things with the intention of bringing people along with us or doing it in such a way that allows everyone to kind of join in on the party. Creating a village or a community growth perspective makes change in such a bigger way versus trying to do it all by yourself in this isolated state of mind. This village, this community

16:48 perspective is actually what strengthens the whole and strengthens the actual actions. And it also helps us to feel supported. So recognizing that you do not have to do everything by yourself and you do not have to feel like you by yourself is not enough because you are enough in itself to do whatever it is that you want to do.

17:10 But bringing people along with you, the right people, the people that you resonate with, the people that get along with you, the people that you can have a open relationship with, who you can communicate with about problems, challenges in a very healthy way, heart centered way.

17:26 From there, you can actually grow and do so much more, whether it be teaching yoga or some sort of other profession, teaching schools, doing some sort of job where maybe it feels like it's just me. And then there's those other colleagues and they're doing their own thing.

17:41 But how do you collectively work together towards, let's say, a common goal? So here's a small little anecdotal example for myself as physiotherapist when I was working for many years back in Canada. While my job is very much one-on-one and isolated, the experience in which I'm providing to the individual is specific to my skill set for them.

18:07 But one of the companies in which I worked with this private company, we would collectively as a team, not just me as a physiotherapist, but the other people within our company would work together to try to support this particular individual.

18:21 For example, referring them to different individuals for different treatment modalities that they might need. Whether it be occupational therapy, some sort of eye support, nurse practitioner, there could be speech pathology, lots of different things. And what we would do is we would communicate with one another how this is the situation that the person's dealing with and how can we help to support them further. Maybe you're the best person for this. Maybe you're the best person for

18:49 this. So this collective growth, not just for the individual, but for us as a team, created more of that community whole or that village perspective on accomplishing some sort of result. So comparison often actually isolates us.

19:07 It says it's me against them, but when we soften into that community, that village, that collective experience, a different truth actually emerges, and that is that we rise together, we grow together, and we're the strongest when we are together. So when we're looking at comparative competition perspectives, don't look at the other people that are doing things as competition, but look at them as inspiration. Take something from what they're doing and allow it to motivate you to possibly want to beat

19:42 them. Sure, if that's what your drive is or using it in such a way that I'm competing against this so that I have something to let's say move towards. If you're a runner, if you've you've done running before, I don't know, that's not a super common thing amongst a lot of people, but maybe a few people. But let me give you a paint you a picture here when you're running and let's say it's a group of people. Whether it be, you know, like a little marathon thing or a group running class or community or

20:16 something like this. What's really helpful in those communities is to have someone who's ahead of you running kind of create the pace for you. When they're creating the pace for you, it allows you to kind of like stick with them just enough to be able to have some motivation to keep going versus and this kind of comes back to when you're the only one or you're the first one to do something.

20:40 It's actually a lot harder. So I find myself or I found myself whenever I'm leading the pack in let's say a running, and this is just an example in a metaphor, but if you're leading the pack in the run, you don't have anyone to kind of motivate you to keep going. There's no one in front of you.

20:54 You're already like ahead. So you have sometimes have a tendency to maybe slow down a little bit or your pace is not as consistent. But for the person behind you or the person that's behind you, they actually kind of see you.

21:07 And instead of necessarily comparing like, oh, this person is ahead of me, it's more so like I'm going to try to keep my pace with this person. I'll stay behind them, but I'll try to keep my pace with them as much as possible.

21:18 That actually makes it a lot easier from a collective's perspective to keep going and seeing it more as motivation and inspiration versus, oh, they're ahead of me. So I guess I'll just give up and I'll stop and I won't even try.

21:33 So recall the time, maybe it's related to running or something else. When you felt genuinely inspired by someone else's growth, actions, success, or achievements, and when their successes gave you hope and not shame, How did that feel? And how did that moment feel in your heart? Now, if nothing comes to mind, that's OK, but just know comparison, that competitiveness can either move us into isolation or it can move us into collective growth, inspiration, motivation, strengthening the

22:15 whole, the community, the US, the people. Now let's look at. This from a again yogic eastern perspective and then switch it over to the western perspective. Sanga. Community is a vital part of the yogic path. We are not meant to grow alone.

22:37 We are designed to lift and be lifted. 1. Of the most important markers for longevity health is not eating chia seeds and quinoa and kale and all that healthy stuff and exercising and all that. Like sure, those are all really great and obviously have an impact and are important.

23:03 But without. A sense of community, the South of belonging or connection we actually wither. So if we. Are putting ourselves in situations where we're comparing to others. We're putting in a, let's say an unhealthy competition.

23:19 An unhealthy competition is I'm trying to beat you and I don't like you because you're you're the opposite of of what I'm trying to do. And then and we're separate. That actually. Creates that isolation, and that isolation is obviously not part of community and therefore we lose that sense of belonging. But if we can.

23:41 Find this healthy competition not necessarily comparison, but witnessing and learning from what other people are doing. Whether they know that they are your mentor or your motivator or not is irrelevant. It's what you feel in yourself.

23:59 As I'm inspired by this person, I'm motivated by this person because they're doing things that I want to do or I want to do better or something to that effect. That's creating more of that village community, growth mindset, that collective mindset.

24:15 Now, when we look at this from a science perspective, left. Sorry, yeah, Left brain or Western perspective, the feelings of connection, belonging or community or shared purpose. When we have a shared purpose, this reduces cortisol, which is the stress hormone that circulates in your body every single day.

24:36 And why not reduce that if we can create this shared purpose, this shared collective experience, this connection? And at the same. Time when we are having feelings of connection and shared purpose, we're also increasing oxytocin, the bonding hormone, the connective hormone.

24:54 So not only. Are we inhibiting a negative? But we're boosting a positive within our system, so collaboration, not competition, is wired into our biology. So let's try. To anchor this a little bit more somatically into our body, somatically meaning connecting to our body. So you can place.

25:17 One hand on your heart, if you want, if you're driving or doing something different, maybe you have a free hand. Otherwise, just kind of connect with yourself a little bit more. But if you do. Have both hands free. Place one hand in your heart and one hand extended out in front of you, palm up. If someone's If you're in a cafe or doing something well, just embrace it.

25:39 Feel the balance between receiving and offering the hand that's on your chest. Is that which is. Receiving the heart space is for receptivity for letting in. And the hand. Outwardly is for offering, sharing, expressing. Now whisper softly or feel the words. I celebrate others.

26:10 That energy in the. Hand extended out. I celebrate others and I trust my own path, that energy towards the hand in the chest. So I celebrate others. Hand extended. And I trust my. Own path, hand near the heart. So comparison, we'll still visit here and there time to time, and that's OK.

26:36 That's just part of the way we are when in the human world. We're witnessing, we're observing, we're seeing everything around us. You can consider part of maybe judgement or evaluation of judgement doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. We're just looking at something.

26:53 But you don't actually have to live in this comparison world, isolating yourselves, shrinking yourselves, minimizing your actions and possibilities. Each time you notice this, some sort of comparison come up. It's an invitation to return to your own experience, your own path, and to celebrate the abundance around you. And the.

27:14 Growth that is possible because you can see an example of something that's already been to a place where you might want to strive towards. To trust. That there is enough and you are enough. That there is an abundance of so much in this world that there's enough for everyone, all 8 billion people.

27:36 So allowing these opportunities to come through is really what's giving us a chance. And we do that not through comparison, but through collective growth. So here's a couple. Reflective questions to sit with before we close today's podcast. Where in my.

27:57 Life Am I operating from scarcity and how might I shift it into a place of abundance? Enoughness. How can I celebrate others succeeding achievements, accolades without questioning my own worth? And why do they even have to be connected?

28:25 Or are they even connected? What would? Change if I trusted that my unique path is unfolding exactly as it needs to. The path in which I'm taking for this is happening exactly the way it needs to in order for me to learn to grow and to be able to achieve what I need to achieve uniquely and authentically for me.

28:58 So you are not. Late to the game? You are not behind. You're right on time. Every individual in this world has their own unique experience. Because you're born at a particular time and you're starting to learn things at a particular time does not mean that you're ahead or you're behind.

29:17 If you're thinking in that way, that is a clear sign of comparison. Use it to. Motivate you and to inspire you. Not to shrink you, not to isolate you. So your light does. Not dim because someone else shines brighter, or if someone else's just shines. In fact, when we honor the beauty in others and the brightness and others, that energy should amplify the light, the motivation, the inspiration within ourselves. So there is no.

29:51 Scarcity of possibility and there is no shortage of belonging. There's enough for everybody. That's the beauty and vital part of this world, is that we are a growing species, ever evolving. And in order. To allow ourselves to continue to grow and evolve, we cannot isolate. We need to do it together.

30:19 So. Let's finish off with a gentle little meditation, little grounding, if you'd like to join me. Find yourself in a. Comfortable seated position. I like to always try to ground the feet. If you're sitting in a chair, fantastic. Just try to anchor the feet into the ground. Meaning trying to.

30:35 Connect the bottoms of your feet to the ground to some degree. If you're driving or moving around and so be it, that's fine. You can kind of skip this, come back to it later. But otherwise, just start to get comfortable wherever you are. So to relax your shoulders, soften your eyes if you want to, you can close your eyes and again to start coming back to the breath.

30:57 How are you today? The answer is not words. The answer is the breath. How is your breath today? How is your breath right now? On your next. Inhale, say to yourself there is enough. As you breathe in that abundance of air and then exhale it back into the space, the abundant space that exists around you, Inhale and say or feel. I trust myself.

31:39 I trust my journey. I trust my. Uniqueness, my authenticity and exhale that into trust. And then? Breathing in together, we rise together, we grow together, and then excelling that out back into connection with the world, with those that we see, that we witness, that we watch. Thank you for being here.

32:19 Thank you for tuning in this week, for being a part of this shared abundance and continuously learning and growing with me. So a couple bonus reflections here before I let you go. When I feel. Comparison arise in any situation in my life.

32:36 What might it be trying to teach me about my deeper desires, my deeper wants? When I feel that comparison come on, what is it actually telling me that I want? How can I shift from competition? To. Community. They might seem almost similar, maybe the same, but the words are different and they have different meanings.

33:02 How can I shift from competition to community, and what evidence do I have that there is enough for all of us? Thank you again. Enjoy the rest of your day and we'll speak to you next time. Take care for now. Before you go, let me tell you about the Going proyoga.com platform. This is an online learning platform that is suited for anyone who's interested in learning about yoga. Whether you've done a 200 hour teacher training and you want to supplement your own learning,

33:33 continue to educate yourself and grow, or you just are getting started with yoga. You're interested in the topic and you want to learn more about it. We have all the resources that are available for you. Whether it's learning more about queuing, yoga poses, sequencing, creating classes, the yoga philosophy and the lifestyle, or maybe you're interested in the anatomy and the Physiology and learning more about the body, we have so much to offer for you.

33:56 And right now you can go check it out for free for seven days. And if you like it and you want to continue as a member, right now we're doing a special offer for our podcast listeners where you can sign up for an extra 20% off.

34:10 So upon registration, make sure to go down to that coupon code and push in Podcast Special 20. Again, that's Podcast Special 20. That'll give you 20% off the membership. So if you're interested in that, I would not delay and I'd go check it out today because we're only offering this to the 1st 30 users.

34:28 Again, Podcast Special 20. Go check it out goingproyoga.com.