From People-Pleasing to Truth with Michael Henri

0:00 Hello and welcome back to the podcast. My name is Michael Henry and thank you for joining today. Today we're going to be stepping into a tender and transformational conversation, the one about being seen, heard, and valued. So if you ever felt the fear of speaking up for yourself, maybe sharing boundaries, teaching publicly, or simply sharing your truth or what's important to you, know that you're not alone. This is a very common thing.

0:31 Visibility can feel vulnerable. When we share things about what we want or what we desire can sometimes feel very scary. It can awaken old fears of rejection, judgement, or not enough this. But your voice does matter. Your presence matters. So today we're going to explore how to move through the fear of visibility so that you can teach, speak, and live from your true center.

1:19 So before we get into today's core content, I'd love to ask for your support if you haven't done so already by reviewing this podcast. We share this podcast for free for anyone to listen, and we just want to have this be accessible to as many people as possible.

1:35 And one of the best ways that we can spread this to the world is by having the podcast reviewed. So if you go down to the main page of the podcast, find that star review, whether it be on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and just give us some love.

1:51 We'd really appreciate it and it'll help us to expand this into other people's phones ultimately. So let's start to break this down a little bit more. So we're talking about these two topics. We're really just talking about judgement and the authentic expression of our self. So let's start to define what these are a little bit more. So judgement, or the fear of judgement more specifically, is the worry that others will actually criticize, reject, or misunderstand what is being

2:25 shared or ultimately misunderstand you. It often causes us to become silent or shrink parts of ourselves to stay safe or to not ruffle the feathers or to not be a bother, to not disrupt, to not change the flow of things that have already been set up now. Authentic expression or sharing your visibility, if you will, allowing yourself to be seen, heard, understood, is your sharing of your thoughts, your feelings, the truth, without filtering it too much to please

3:11 other people or to please others. It's the courage to let your real voice be heard, regardless of what you think it might sound like. Even when there's that vulnerability, when fear rises in these moments, it often whispers things like, who am I to say this? What if I get it wrong?

3:37 What if they don't like what I have to say? Or what if they don't like me? What if they reject or judge me for sharing? So think back to a moment when you maybe hesitated to share something, a truth that an intuitive feeling that was you knew somewhat deep down you didn't want to or you did want to do something, but you kind of ignored it because of the context of what was happening in front of you. You felt like you didn't want to disrupt things. You didn't want to mix things

4:12 up. It was just easier to what we call fawn, which is just to oblige to just, you know, do whatever the other person wants to do. So what were you afraid of that might actually happen in those moments? And how did it feel in your body, if you can kind of reflect with that?

4:36 I personally can relate a lot to this because there's many times where I feel like I'm just saying yes, or I'm obliging to whatever it is that is in front of me because of responsibility or because I'm trying to make someone's life easier.

4:52 Or this is something that I just feel like I need to do because it'll make this other person happier or seemingly so. So in yoga, there's a concept called Satya, which is the principle of truthfulness. Truthfulness which invites us to speak and to live in alignment with our authentic cells.

5:17 So who are who? Who is you? Who, who am I? Our authentic cells? Who, who is that to me? I think about this deep intuitive sense that knows what might be feeling good or not so good for yourself. So Satya is not about perfection, about making the perfect decisions, not being judged. It's about integrity for yourself, your own self integrity, listening to yourself and following your own quote, UN quote truth.

5:51 Following out your own authentic expression, what's real and important to you. It's about honouring that truth that is uniquely yours to express, even if it feels like it might be rejected, even if it feels like it's scary to share that truthfulness, that authentic sharing or expression, that intuition that comes up. Instead of muffling it or hiding away from it, actually just listen to it.

6:24 And then from there, we can make decisions on how we want to respond with its knowing. So when I think about this, when I think about truthfulness, when I think about authentic expression, when I think about your intuition, I think about this balance and this juggle between, is this my authentic expression, me trying to speak something that's really true and real for me? Or is it more of a pattern or a belief system that I learned in my life that I developed or

6:57 let's say got from my parents or someone that I've been around? Because it's really easy for us to just absorb other people's beliefs sometimes whenever we're just around them, you know, someone says something and it's almost like it kind of gets downloaded into our brain and then all of all of a sudden becomes truth for us because we're like, oh, I really like this person and I look up to this person.

7:19 So if they believe that, then I must, I should believe that too to some degree. And this might be when we're younger a little bit more so kind of a little bit more naive and absorbent of some of those things. So being able to tell the difference between your intuition and whether it's a pattern or belief system that might not necessarily be supporting your truth is actually a challenging thing to do.

7:47 This is something that I, I don't want to see struggle with, but it's something that I'm always thinking about and I'm always asking myself like, is this something that I really, really, really want to do? Or is this something that I feel like I'm doing because I'm trying to please someone else or please some sort of situation or possibly just trying to be the peacekeeper of that situation. And this would be best to keep the peace to avoid the drama. And that's something that I

8:16 definitely want to do is I want to avoid drama. I want to avoid that uncomfortableness and sometimes just giving in is seems like the easier choice. But is it true that that's what I actually want? Is that feel authentic? Does that feel right?

8:34 Or is it just that I'm trying to make things seemingly easier by avoiding my truth, not listening to my intuition, and just kind of like trying to neutralize the situation? Fawning, if you will. Obliging. So this is a this is a constant juggle.

8:52 In fact, I had a conversation with someone about this few days ago, even though I've been thinking about this for years. I probably even mentioned it on the podcast before. It's like, how do you know if it's the truth, the intuition coming through that self authentic expression?

9:07 Or is it some sort of pattern or belief that you've developed at some time? Like how do you know? The person I was speaking to yesterday said that she often feels that if she can go from a place of giving, is my response from a place of giving, from a place of love?

9:28 Because if it is, then that's probably more likely that authentic expression. So I had to think about that a little bit. And I was just like, how does that actually relate to me? Like is it from a place of giving or a place of receiving? Am I giving?

9:47 Am I doing this to be able to give something? Or am I doing this to be able to receive something? Now that was somewhat helpful for me. I'm curious to know if it was helpful for you in this moment. But I start to think a little bit more about it.

10:04 I'm like, OK, so this intuition is this part of me, this is like this deep knowing, this deep truth. And I want to be able to feel into it. So often times what I'll do is I'll actually ask myself questions and then I'll see how my body responds.

10:20 Now this is a little bit more of a human design thing with generators. So, you know, there's most of the people are generators out there. And if you're not a generator, then it might not be as relatable, but you can still feel into it as well.

10:33 So I usually ask myself the question like, do I actually want to do this? And there's either a yes feeling, a no feeling, or I'm not sure feeling. So do I want to do this? Something like that? Often times I don't get an answer right away.

10:50 It's usually like I'm not sure. So then I say OK, that means I need to keep asking more questions. So then I say things like, would it be good for me to do this? Or am I doing this because other people want me to do this?

11:07 Am I saying yes to this? Because I should be saying yes to this. So starting to ask these questions can really start to carve in a little bit more specifically, like is this actually really important to me to say yes or no? Is it from a place of actually giving and sharing for this situation?

11:27 Or is it something that's actually that I need to receive? We can zero in a little bit closer on that intuition versus that, let's say, fawning by asking us those questions. So let's kind of just think about it a little bit more.

11:46 What part of my truth is asking to be expressed, even if my voice shakes a little bit? Now, if you ask yourself the question and you answer to yourself within your own mind or maybe your own space, it won't feel as scary versus actually sharing it publicly or, you know, in front of somebody, especially someone that you, you're, you're fearing their response or how they might react.

12:15 But you'll feel more confident in yourself and the way that you express it if you actually identify that as a truth 1st. And you can do that by actually asking yourself those questions. Is this actually something that I want?

12:31 Is this actually something that I should do? Is this something that would be good for me? Is this something that I has a responsibility that I need to follow through on? Now, getting yes or no answers to some of those questions doesn't mean that the answer is yes or no. It's collecting A deeper knowing, a deeper understanding of the situation, of your intuition, of your authentic expression to get closer to the answer. Because often times the answer

13:04 might be like, no, I don't want to do that, but it would be good for me to do it, or it's my responsibility to do it, or I need to do it because XY and Z, or it could be the opposite. I do want to do it. However, there's another part of me that I know that it's not good to do that because it's going to result in whatever something else.

13:29 So just know that this is not a, you know, a perfect system. It's more of just trying to help cultivate tools, which is something that I've been working on for years and I by no means have perfected it, but I'm just trying to find different ways that we can navigate this, you know, being in truth of ourselves, being authentic, feeling empowered to be able to stand up for ourselves and speak up for ourselves, to create boundaries. Do not have to worry about being

13:57 judged or to being, you know, misunderstood or rejected or criticized. Because if we feel strongly in our stance, but it's an authentic stance. It's not coming from a place of fear or belief that was, you know, adapted from our parents or friends or someone else, but a true inner feeling that actually feels like, yes, that's actually that feels right to me. So it is a juggle.

14:24 It's a bit of a process, but at the same time it's also kind of fun because when you do land on the truth, it feels ever so empowering. So from a neuroscience perspective, social fear lights up the same areas of the brain as physical pain. So that judgement, that criticism, that rejection, that feeling misunderstood, it's normal to feel a heightened sense of risk when stepping into this visibility where you're actually sharing something or telling somebody or people about something that feels raw, that

15:06 feels real, that feels deep. But that fear doesn't necessarily mean that you're wrong in sharing it. It simply means that you're stepping outside of your comfort zone, doing something that might be unfamiliar, something that you haven't done before, something you might not have shared before. And sharing it feels scary because how will it be received? But then recognizing that no matter what is shared, we can never control how it's being received by anyone. And there's going to be people

15:44 that are going to love to hear what you have to share. And there's going to be people that are not going to love what you have to share about your truth, your authentic expression, etcetera. And what does that mean? Does that means we shy away from it because, oh, we want to make sure everybody's happy and we want to make sure that we don't ruffle the feathers. But the truth is, is no matter what you share, whether it's the truth or you're just trying to

16:06 oblige, people are going to like it or not like it. We can't control how people respond. We can't control how people react to these things. So why not speak the truth? Why not express ourselves authentically? Respectful way, of course, that allows us to live a life that feels more in alignment, that allows us to feel like we're listening to ourselves, right?

16:32 We're not being controlled, we're being authentic. So it is a process, it is a journey, and it is also just part of life. Even though I talk about this here like, oh, it sounds like I know what I'm talking about. Yeah, but I still work at it every single day.

16:50 You know, I'm always asking myself even was it yesterday? No, it was 2 days ago. I was thinking to myself, I was like, do I really want to do this? And the answer was no, I do not want to do this. But then I was just like, should I do it?

17:04 And the answer was like, I'm not sure. And then I was like, would it be good for me to do this? And the answer was yes. So then I asked myself again, OK, so then should I do this? And then the answer felt again, a yes. So just a few questions, but allowed me to get closer to my truth and allowed me to get to where I needed to go to feel like this was my choice.

17:27 It was a conscious choice versus a subconscious, you know, pattern or belief that I'm just following. But I actually took the time to be aware, to ask myself the questions, to sit with it and be like, let me just see how this feels. We can get closer to the truth that way. So let's continue this conversation a little bit more into two other emotional contrasts, and that is that external validation, which we kind of talked about it without talking about it, and this

17:59 internal anchoring or the stability, if you will. So external validation talked about before, but it is the habit of measuring your worth by the approval or praise of others. It can feel good temporarily, but it leaves you and your sense of value dependent on things that you can't control, like the way that they respond or judge or criticize or love. Versus this stability, this internal anchoring is rooting yourself worth in yourself, that your worthiness is known inside of you.

18:48 It's trusting your value, your voice, your experience, your journey, no matter how others respond around you. Again, because we can't control that, we can't control how the others respond. Now we can deliver again, our authentic expression or truth in ways in which is respectful honoring, you know, the fact that some people might like it and that's OK, but it doesn't need to be aggressive.

19:19 It doesn't need to be. I'm right and this is the way. And, you know, it's more so just this is my experience, this is how I feel about it and this is what feels good to me. And, you know, there might be a difference of opinion there and that's OK. You know, accepting that as part of this process and not judging other people for not or not judging other people for judging you, if that makes sense.

19:43 So it's tempting to seek safety through external validation, the perfect reviews, the full classes, the endless praise. You know, the applause, the acknowledgement. But true freedom comes when your sense of worth isn't tied to the applause or criticism. Regardless if it's being appreciated or not appreciated, it shouldn't affect who you are.

20:17 It shouldn't affect your truth. Sharing your truth shouldn't be applauded. Sharing your truth shouldn't be criticized. They both will be, but either one doesn't matter. What's most important is that you share your truth. You share what is real for you.

20:34 You share what is intuitively known, so you could use the same moment that we talked about before you, you brought into your attention. Otherwise, recall a moment when you expressed yourself authentically, where you actually shared something that was true for you, that was real for you, even if it wasn't meant or met, I should say, with universal acceptance or approval.

21:05 Maybe some people did and others didn't. How did it feel inside to share that beyond the reactions of others? So in yoga, one of the niyamas yoga philosophy, Ishvara Pranidhana teaches surrender. Surrender to higher self, trusting that your role is to offer your truth, not to control how it's received.

21:43 Your task is to show up fully, not perfectly, fully. You, uniquely you from a scientific perspective, building internal validation for ourself. Meaning I'm validating my own experience, I don't need external validation. That internal validation strengthens that prefrontal cortex or the medial part of your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that's associated with that self referencing emotional resilience. So every act of courageous authentic expression literally rewires your brain for greater

22:32 self trust. Self trust, meaning trusting yourself to share things that are true, to be able to express yourself authentically. It becomes easier and easier the more you do it. Now this makes me think a little bit about, OK cool. It is good to share your truth.

22:52 It is good to share what feels real and and and authentic. But I've also been in situations where people get a little bit too, let's say out of balance with sharing their truth. And it's just everything's about sharing their truth and everything's about sharing their how they feel about this and this and this. And to me, I just want to bring attention to, let's not get too carried away with always sharing a truth unconsciously, or I should say subconsciously

23:26 because it could get to a point where we're losing sight of. Is this actually my intuitive sense or am I just following some sort of pattern or belief, maybe a new pattern or belief that was created more recently. So it really comes down to making that conscious awareness of what's being expressed or shared, creating these boundaries, saying yes, saying no, deciding to do this, not deciding to do this.

23:54 Should I say this or should I not say this? It doesn't always have to be yes, doesn't always have to be no. But I think making that conscious choice is what's really important. And the best way that we can make that conscious choice is to stop. Find that stillness, find that stability and that groundedness. Take a moment, breathe, and then just ask yourself a few questions.

24:24 Do I want to? Does this feel right to me? Will this be good for me? Will this be good for the situation? Should I do this? There's many different questions to be asked, and these are just the few that are popping off the top of my head, but you might have some other questions that come through for you.

24:48 So let's just take a moment to root in some of these lessons concepts and really just kind of anchor them in. So depending on what you're doing, you know, sitting, standing, laying down, ideally finding that straight spine.

25:03 So if you're sitting, just finding a nice tall spine, place one hand on your throat or close to your throat and the other just below it onto your heart. Feel the steady beat of your heart, the pulse of life that lives within you, and softly whisper to yourself as you feel your heart beating.

25:34 My voice is rooted in truth. When I connect to my heart and I allow my heart to speak consciously, my truth is revealed. It takes time to allow that truth to come through, and I am patient and eager to hear it. My voice is rooted in my truth. So visibility sharing can feel quite vulnerable to express something that may have never been expressed before from you. It might have been expressed from other people before, and maybe even see other people

26:33 doing it. And you, you admire them and you're just like, wow, so brave of them. It's so courageous, it's so inspiring. And that's great to use that as a fuel for your own actions. But it doesn't negate the fact that it can still be scary.

26:50 That fear of judgement, that fear of rejection, it's a real thing. So acknowledging that is a good step, but also recognizing to not let that stop you from sharing what feels real for you, what feels true, what feels authentic, to be able to navigate whatever situations in front of you. So when you share your voice, when you share what feels true and real, especially if you're around people that are loving, trusting, supportive to you, which is often family and friends, and hopefully within a

27:23 working environment, they have those similar qualities. You offer others permission to do the same. So when you express your truth, you strengthen the collective tapestry of authenticity. When someone else sees how real and raw and authentic that you are, it inspires others to do the same, just like you might be inspired by someone else who embodies that same behavior. So then let's just keep it simple. Ask yourself this question.

28:03 What truths within me are ready to be shared right now in this moment in my life? Maybe small is a good way to start. What truths within me are ready to be shared with someone that I know is going to receive them to kind of build that muscle a loved one?

28:32 Where am I seeking external approval in my life and how might I root into internal trust instead creating boundaries instead of trying to get that external approval? What would change if I believe that my voice was needed exactly as it is? What if what I share is exactly what needs to be heard, and withholding that from the world, from the situation, is only going to cause more suffering?

29:19 Possibly for yourself, maybe for others. So the truth is, is you don't have to be fearless to be visible, to be able to share. The fear is there. It's what we all experience when we do anything that's uncomfortable, when we do anything that's unfamiliar.

29:39 It feels scary. You just have to be willing. You have to be conscious. You need to take the time to listen to your voice, to listen to that deep truth, that intuition, and allow it to come through respectfully and in certain moments more than others.

29:59 But knowing it deep within yourself is strength. So your voice is a gift, not because it's perfect, but because it's real. You don't have to wait until you feel completely ready to share something, to share your truth, to share your expression. You can speak it now from your heart, and you can do it within yourself.

30:29 You know, speak to yourself. The world needs more authenticity, not more perfection. Living in a world with AI, living in a world with social media, living in a world where there's just masks after masks after masks of people pretending to be somebody because that's who they think that they need to be.

30:55 We can be better than that. We can be ourselves. We can be real knowing that everyone else around us, we can't control how real they are going to be or how they're going to respond or how they're going to react in the world.

31:13 But what we can do is we can always be rooted in our own truth. So thank you for listening. Thank you for honouring your voice, for honoring your truth, giving it a chance to be heard and listened to and then giving it a chance to be listened to by others, if that feels right for you. So let's just close today's episode with a nice little anchoring meditative practice.

31:42 So again, depending on where you are, just trying to find a moment to just find some stillness. If you're, you know, working out or you're driving a car or something like that, it might be a little bit difficult. You know, do your best, maybe just take a moment to close your eyes. Not if you're driving, of course. And let's just anchor this into the body with a few grounding breaths.

32:02 So settle your shoulders, settle your jaw, let it soften, feel the natural rise and fall of your breath. On your inhale, silently say to yourself, my voice is a sacred expression. And then as you inhale again, saying to yourself, I trust the unfolding of my voice.

32:54 And then one more breath in. As you're inhaling, I am safe to be seen. It's OK to be seen. Thank you for being here exactly as you are. And I'll leave a couple of reflective prompt questions for you, which will be in the show notes, but I'll just say them now. So what does your inner voice long to express? What is something that's been living inside you that needs to be shared, that wants to be shared? If you know what it is, or you find out what that is, share it with yourself first.

33:43 Allow it to be felt within you first. Build that strength, that confidence of that truth, and then when ready, you can share it with the external world in whatever way that makes sense. How do I feel when I honor my truth over seeking approval? How does it feel to listen to me versus trying to get approval of others?

34:14 And where in my life can I practice safe and small acts of visibility today? Not going for the big, the big ones, but just the little ones. You know, exercising that muscle, allowing it to cultivate strength first within your own safe environment with yourself, just speaking to yourself, maybe to loved ones, people that you trust, people that you feel safe with, where you know it's going to be received.

34:47 It's a great place to start. Thank you so much for tuning in this week. As always, if you have any questions, thoughts or comments, feedback, I'd love to hear it. All of it. Otherwise, enjoy the rest of your day and we'll speak to you next week.

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