Emotional Intimacy vs. Isolation: The Healing Power of Being Seen with Michael Henri

0:00 Hello everyone, and welcome back to the podcast. Or maybe this is your first time listening. Either way, welcome. My name is Michael Henry and I am your host for today. And today we're going to be exploring something again, deeply human and often hidden within ourselves, and that's the tension between isolation and intimacy. There are definitely moments in our life and in teaching, whether it be teaching yoga or just sharing in any type of way, Maybe caregiving, healing, any

0:31 type of facilitation where we're kind of in service to others when we pull away to protect ourselves versus leaning in maybe from burnout, maybe from past wounds, maybe trying to just protect ourselves because we're just tired that day or maybe because being seen feels a little too raw.

0:52 But what if this isolation alternative isn't actually the final stop? What if it's actually a doorway into healing support in a deeper connection? So today we're going to talk about the courage it takes to let yourself be seen again. So before we jump into today's core topic, as always, I'd love to ask, ask, ask and reach out for your support by reviewing this podcast if you haven't done so already. It only takes a few seconds and it really helps us out. We want to be able to share this

1:38 podcast, share these resources with anyone and anyone who is willing to listen. So the best way that we can do that is by obviously having a good star review. So you can go down to Apple Podcast, Spotify or whatever platform you use and just go to that main podcast page and then find that star review and just give us some love.

1:57 We'd really very appreciate it and thank you so much. Otherwise, let's try to jump jump into this topic today. Now, isolation and intimacy is a very interesting contrast and there's many different ways we can kind of look at this and we'll, we'll kind of go into it, we'll kind of define it.

2:15 And then we'll work at it in such a way where we can look at it from not just like a neuroscience perspective, a yogic perspective, but also just kind of a, a different lens in the way of how can this be used in a situations.

2:29 So when you think of the word isolation, isolation is typically withdrawing emotionally, energetically or physically. It could be seen as just staying at home, not really doing anything. It could be kind of resisting and not allowing yourself to kind of connect with different people, and it's often a protective response to things like overwhelm, hurt, or often disconnection. When I hear the word isolation to me, I actually enjoy being isolated.

2:59 I enjoy being by myself. I am. I'm a very independent person and I'm able to maintain isolation and be with myself and be very content with that. I actually don't feel like I need to reach out too often to connect for my own personal, let's say well-being.

3:17 You can jump into the conversation of what do we call these introverts and extroverts? And that's not really what this podcast is about, although it is somewhat in, let's say, somewhat connected there. But while some introverts are more required to be in isolation or be in their own energy or be in let's say smaller intimate settings, then that allows them to recharge. Whereas external, Oh my God, not external extroverts kind of resource some of their recharge

3:51 from some of that external intimate connection through other people, maybe in large groups, large gatherings and so on. But not so much talking about that. I'm more so talking about the isolation and intimacy and as it relates to could be relationships specifically one-on-one, it can also just be with regards to professional relationships and there's many other ways in which it can kind of come through.

4:18 But with regards to isolation, sometimes it is very necessary actually because of that, let's say introverted perspective of needing to recharge. However, prolonged isolation can lead to things like loneliness, numbness, disempowerment, and there's a balance here. Of course, like anything that we usually look at on this podcast, there's always a balance between the two. And then we would look at intimacy. Well, when you hear intimacy, I'm sure there's different things that come up for you.

4:49 But what I'll have here is just kind of a little bit of a textbook definition, which is a state of emotional closeness and connection where we allow ourselves to be seen, flaws and all us just as we are. It involves vulnerability, mutual care and presence. Almost a level, A level of authenticity is present. You're just completely you and you're being seen as you. And that can be in a, again, relationship setting, could be in a professional setting, can

5:21 be in a public setting, in a lot of different situations. Now, when isolation takes over, the inner voice, that might actually start to kick in. And when I say isolation, I mean like whenever that part of your, let's say, mechanism that turns towards isolation turns towards, let's say, not necessarily disconnect, but wanting to be in the own space or possibly wanting to be in your own energy and not wanting anything to come through. Some of the inner voice within

5:53 us might actually start to say things like, well, it's easier for me to go at it alone. I can't really trust anyone else, so I'm just going to do it myself. Or in another way, it could be something like, well, I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to be a bother or something. Like no one will really understand. These are different terms, different phrases, which kind of maybe through a secret way kind of push us into this isolated state or this isolated, let's

6:24 say, territory. However, intimacy whispers different things. Things like you don't have to carry this alone, let someone meet you where you are here. Doing things together might actually allow us to go further together. And there's a connection piece there as it relates to that intimacy versus that disconnection as it relates to isolation.

6:54 So when have you retreated, protected yourself and what did you do to come back out again? Now, I have plenty of examples for myself, but I wanted to give you you a moment to just kind of like sit with that for a second. So when have you retreated to protect yourself, maybe professionally, personally?

7:16 And what did it take for you to come back again to kind of, let's say refresh, restart, reboot. After that, protection was no longer required. It didn't seem like it was no longer required. So in the yogic perspective, the yogic lens, the yogic world, we're looking at a concept called hridaya, the spiritual heart. It's the seat of connection.

7:44 So practices like bhakti yoga, the path of devotion, love, and even partner poses or partnered exercises can help to reopen this space, this intimacy, this connection. In fact, there's a practice out there called acro yoga.

7:58 If you're familiar with this. Acro yoga is a partnered exercise, which while there is some, let's say, yoga, traditional poses that are kind of associated with some of the moves. Acro yoga is actually more of an acrobatic practice, partnered acrobatic practice where you can do it on the ground, on your back with your legs up in the air. And someone kind of basically hovers on your legs and you kind of spin them around and do all these little tricks and moves. And some of them have certain

8:25 yoga pose names or yoga pose inspired names. But I would say it's a little further away from the actual yoga practice itself. That being said, one of the benefits of this practice is it builds connection, it builds intimacy, it builds trust because when you're working with an individual in this setting, you're actually communicating in such a way so that you can, you know, move support and make sure that the individual who is flying on your feet doesn't fall

8:52 to the ground. So there is a level of trust that's required. And also the closeness, the physical touch that is there kind of lends towards that intimacy. It'd be very hard to do acro yoga by yourself. In fact, I think it's impossible. We would probably just call that something else. Now, from a scientific perspective, or let's say when we're looking at the isolation, chronic isolation increases cortisol and inflammatory responses or markers in our body.

9:24 It weakens our immune system, and it can heighten stress. And when I say this, I'm talking about chronic isolation. I'm not saying just isolation in general, because again, isolation can be a good thing in a lot of different ways, but chronic isolation could be long term withdrawal like chronic is typically associated with, I mean, at least in the medical world, usually two weeks or more, sometimes two months or longer. So the idea is that it's a, it's

9:50 a prolonged period of time. So chronic isolation can increase those cortisol, stress levels, inflammatory markers in the body, weakening your immune system, and then ultimately leading to other possible challenges. On the other side, the emotional connection and safe touch release, whether it be through intimate touch, things like practicing this Acrio yoga that we're speaking about, or just connecting with individuals. This is going to release something that we've talked about many times before, which

10:18 is oxytocin, that bonding hormone, which helps to not only reduce the stress, reduce the anxiety, but it helps to support your nervous system and your nervous system regulation. So depending on your relationship with intimacy, your relationship with isolation, now, you might have thought when you were listening to this podcast or when you when you clicked on this podcast, like, oh, if he's going to talk about intimacy, this must have to do with sex.

10:43 This must have to do with, you know, personal relationships. I mean, yes, it does have to do with that. But more importantly, in the broader perspective, we're talking about intimacy as it relates to connecting to anyone, possibly even yourself. And if I were to say something like, you know, being intimate with yourself, that doesn't necessarily mean, you know, pleasuring yourself.

11:04 I'm talking more about like, how are you connected with yourself? How are you being intimate with yourself? Are you present with yourself? Are you connecting and listening to your own intuitive sense, your intuition? And these are some of the things that can help to allow us to connect more, let's say, externally with other people in relationships, possibly sexually as well, but it doesn't necessarily have to be in that direction.

11:29 I'd like actually to start from more of a ground level of that intimacy with yourself. Now, that intimacy with yourself is something that is extremely powerful, but it's also scary because if you're not used to, you're not familiar with being with yourself. And when I say being with yourself, I don't mean just being by yourself and just, you know, no one else is around. I'm talking like truly being with yourself, listening to what's going on inside of you.

11:54 And this is where the yoga kind of comes in as well, right? Connecting to your own self, listening to your intuition and kind of allowing whatever things flare up outside of your subconscious. That might be patterns, conditions, or reminders of something that once existed in your life or in your DNA or was passed on.

12:14 But being able to actually be with that, regardless of whatever comes up is the intimacy with yourself. So meditation being a great practice for intimacy with yourself. And when we're able to connect with ourselves, stay centered with ourselves, stay grounded with ourselves, it's a lot easy for us to connect with other people, to be able to reach out and connect with other people, be intimate with other people, not only in this, let's say personal perspective, but also in a professional perspective.

12:46 If you're a facilitator, you're a yoga teacher, and you are sharing things with a group of people, sure, we might be teaching some asanas, but you know, if you've been teaching yoga long enough, you might be like, OK, there's stuff beyond the asana. It's not just about stretching.

13:00 It's not just about like doing these poses. There's more to it. I'm really interested in the theming. I'm really interested in trying to like, speak to people's hearts. I want to touch people's hearts, metaphorically speaking.

13:11 And in order to do that, there's a certain level of intimacy that needs to be there. There's a connection. There's an energetic connection within the room. Now, while we might want to do this because we want to help people, we want to inspire people, we want to share yoga in such a way that they can hopefully gain some of the benefits of what yoga might have provided for you in your life.

13:32 I think it's cool to consider that one of the ways that that can be the most powerful thing to, let's say, share with other people is as long as we've actually done the work ourselves, we've done the work where we've been comfortable with our own intimacy. And that actually has a huge impact on how it might relate back outwardly in any type of facilitation. So something to think about there. Now there's different contexts with regards to doing things in let's say more professional

14:07 perspectives, like maybe if we're looking at like a corporate setting or just kind of doing a job or doing tasks or projects. And, and I can relate to this a lot, especially if you're an entrepreneur, which usually a lot of yoga ish people are somewhat entrepreneurial.

14:22 They're needing to do a lot of things on their own and they're start to fall into this like I need to kind of do everything myself. Now, just being careful with that. Doing everything yourself falls into that isolation category again, where it's like, oh, I don't have anyone else that can help me.

14:41 I don't trust anyone else. I am the only one that understands the nuances of everything in between and therefore I'm the one that can do it. I'm the one that's going to be best to do it. It's just easier for me to do it.

14:55 So this kind of stuff or I don't want to be a bother. I don't want to be burdened. No one's going to really understand what I'm trying to do. These are all these subtle cues that kind of pushes us into this isolation versus something like if I can reach out and see where there's other people that I might be able to partner with, collaborate with, learn from, be guided by someone that can actually meet me where I am and help me Kind of like we can

15:21 carry each other together, doing things together. This is something that is more related to that intimacy perspective. So This is why these two words don't necessarily need to be related to sex. It can be related in so many different ways.

15:34 So let's just kind of move on to let's say a more possibly relatable contrast of emotions associated with the same stuff that we're talking about and that's kind of over giving versus receptivity, over giving versus receptivity.

15:55 So many of us actually isolate, go into this isolation, not just out of fear, but because from usually exhaustion of constantly giving, constantly having so much be poured out of us that we need to isolate. Because if anything comes in our way and we start to become intimate or we're starting to have this connection with the people that we're going to absorb and we just don't have the energy to be able to manage that. I'm sure a lot of you can relate

16:21 to this. This can be related to burnout. It can be related to just, you know, not not doing enough to recover and take care of your own self needs, your own personal care. So let's kind of go through some simple definitions. Over giving.

16:35 What is that? Over giving? The over giving is a tendency to overextend ourselves emotionally, energetically, physically, often rooted in a fear of disappointing others or proving our worth. Trying to do so much because we're trying to prove something versus the receptivity, which is such a lovely word.

17:01 I love this word, the ability to receive care, to receive attention, to receive support without any guilt or deflection pushing it away. It allows others to show up for us as well. So receptivity is, you know, it's more to it than that. There's obviously the, the, the ability to receive in a lot of ways to listen, and we've talked about this on the podcast before, that receptivity is a quality that allows us to let things in.

17:34 Maybe it's through our ears, maybe it's through our mind, but in this case it could be related to just care, attention or support and allowing others to show up for us as well. Not just for us to show up for ourselves, but to actually allow others to show up for us too. Granted, there there needs to be a level of support or not support.

17:54 Excuse me, there needs to be a level of trust there in order to be ready to receive. So there are definitely emotional nuances between all of this. But I think understanding the difference between over giving and trying to prove ourselves and feeling exhausted and then lacking intimacy or lacking that connection has a strong role in how this impacts not only our personal relationships, but our professional relationships. When we are grounded in our own

18:25 level of energy, when we're grounded in our own level of intimacy with ourselves. And intimacy with ourselves might actually be about how well you're taking care of yourself, your own self-care, which allows that intimacy to expand outwards, like I'm saying, but that only happens if that receptivity is present. But that receptivity might only be present if we're actually maintaining a certain level of self intimacy, self-care. So the voice of over giving and

18:55 the voice of doing too much is something like or could be something like if I stop helping I'm failing. I'll rest once everyone else is OK versus something like receptivity which is more I deserve support too. Rest and connection are part of the flow.

19:22 Recovery in time for myself is necessary for me to be able to do things for others. If I am not well, how can I help others be well? So where in your life are you giving too much and possibly receiving too little? What might it be like or what might it feel like to receive without apologizing? What might it feel like to receive without apologizing? Everybody deserves to receive in every capacity. And it just kind of came into my head here. Mothers.

20:03 I just think about mothers and how mothers are just so giving, so giving, so giving, so giving. My mother. Your mother. If you are a mother, you probably know, I mean, I'm not a mother, I don't know that, but I can see it around me. I can see it, I can feel it.

20:19 And I think the university is just kind of understood to some degree that mothers, they're just such nurturing, caring, loving for the most part. And they're, they're probably falling into this trap of over giving to some degree and not allowing enough receptivity to come their way for whatever reason. There could be lots of nuances and behind all of that. And therefore, you know, maybe the message here is message your mother, mother.

20:47 Let her know that you think about her and care about her. And I'm thinking about her right now. I should probably message my mother, even though I'm going to see her in a few days, which I'm really excited about. But let's kind of come back to the conversation, especially if we look at it from like a yogic lens, you know, the balance of ha hatta hatta hatta yoga probably familiar with this ha meaning sun or effort, inta meaning moon or receptivity.

21:14 So in hatha yoga, it teaches us that giving and receiving are both sacred. The balance in between. In order to sustain Siva service, selfless service, giving and and and sharing and nurturing, we must also be nourishing ourselves. So if you do practice yoga, if you're familiar with hatha yoga, hatha yoga is the OG yoga.

21:40 It's the original tradition. I don't say original, but it's like one of the OG traditional styles of yoga that basically a lot of the styles of yoga that we currently practice in this day and age 2025 are being practiced.

21:54 You know, Vinyasa came from it, Ashtanga came from it, Iyengar, power yoga, all these things. So Hatha yoga is a foundation. And if it's the foundation of balance, it's the foundation of contrast between two things, effort and ease, sun and moon, giving and receiving. Then it all comes back to that.

22:14 How do we, how do we establish this for ourselves? Well, again, creating awareness, having these conversations, listening to podcasts about this or we're talking about intimacy, we're talking about isolation over giving or receptivity.

22:26 This is where it all starts. If we were to look at it from a science perspective, people who are regularly practicing receiving support, allowing it in, show improved resilience and faster recovery from stress. And this is linked to part of the rebalance of being rebalancing of your nervous system or what we call the ventral vagal state in the polyvagal theory, which is basically a regulated state regulated part of your nervous system.

22:57 Not too much, not too little, just right, a place of calm social engagement and safety. Now, I don't know about you, but I've been in definitely situations where it's difficult to receive, whether it be in, you know, receiving a compliment, someone giving you a gift or buying you a gift or doing something out of love for you without it wanting anything returned. It's it can be difficult to actually see a lot of people who have a hard time receiving,

23:31 receiving the compliment. And there's always usually something that is said afterwards instead of just ultimately sitting with the reception. Like hell, you're doing such a great job. And you know, I love that you have all this and I love that you're doing this and you know, it's hard.

23:44 You can kind of see there's a resistance in some people, and maybe this is you who feel like it's really difficult to actually allow that in, to receive that into your being. And then all of a sudden you might have some sort of response to not necessarily intentionally resist it, but you might have a default response that resists that information, that compliment or whatever it is that's coming your way.

24:09 That is part of that protective message mechanism that kind of pushes us towards that isolation again. So notice that for yourself if you can. Sometimes it's difficult to do it in the moment, but when someone is trying to give or or be of or be of service to you and to do things for you, how are you able to and are you able to receive that holy bra authentically?

24:35 That's something that's very powerful. Now, if you were in a situation where you were in such dire need of support, maybe maybe there is a situation where you've had that. Maybe you're in a situation now where you, you know, you need support and you have no choice but to accept it. And that situation, you know, your protective mechanisms are not necessarily going to take over because you're probably going to be like, I need this support. I have to take it.

25:04 Here's a simple example. A friend of mine recently unfortunately injured her knee, which I can relate a lot to if you know me and you know me well enough. I've had a lot of knee injuries before playing basketball. I've had surgeries, I've recovered from them and I'm in pretty good shape now. So I can relate to the story, but I'm not going to make it about me.

25:22 But this person injured her knee recently and she can't walk. She's on crutches. She, she can barely move around her house. She lives in Bali. She moved into a new villa. She doesn't necessarily have a lot of stuff there. You know, it's not like a full house full of things that she's been living in for a long time.

25:42 And she's at a point where she needs to receive attention, love, support, guidance from other people. So in that situation, her protective mechanisms are probably going to almost turn off because she's like, this is more important. I need, I need help, I need help. So unfortunately, we don't want it to get to a point where we come across some sort of situation where we have to receive support because, you know, we don't want to have knee injuries or certain, you know,

26:15 dramatic or catastrophic injuries or, or things that might happen to us where we need to rely on other people. But it's OK to rely on other people. In fact, relying on other people is a great thing. Yes, trust. Is it a factor?

26:28 Of course, but we have to build trust somewhere. And if you are in a situation or a dire situation where you have no choice but to receive, your ability to trust is going to probably increase a little bit more because you know that you need help. And guess what?

26:45 We all need help at one point in time, on the daily, on the weekly, monthly, yearly. We all need help. We all need support. We can't do it all ourselves. And while I'm talking to you listening to this podcast, I'm also talking to myself. We all need support.

27:02 We all need help. We all need love. We can't do it all ourselves. No matter how independent or how well we handle isolation. We need to remember that connection is important as well, not just with ourselves, but to connect with other people and to allow that intimacy, that ability to receive a receptivity to flow towards us.

27:24 It's very, very important. So let's try to somatically anchor a little bit this into our body and then we'll go through some reflective questions as well. I like to do this stuff, so let's just kind of connect with shelf. Depending on what you're doing right now, you might be able to kind of like ground your position. Maybe you're sitting down, maybe you're at the gym, maybe you're driving in your car.

27:48 I'm not sure what you're doing. But if you have a moment, just kind of sit with yourself or stand with yourself. You know you can close your eyes if you want to. Just find some stillness in the moment. Connect with your breath. Just notice how you're breathing. Take a moment to just feel that.

28:02 And how are you breathing? Big breaths in and breaths out. Allowing yourself to connect with yourself, connect with your own breath as a start. Being intimate with your own breath. Allow the support to find you, the support of the breath, the reception of the breath.

28:31 That's the basic act of receiving what you do thousands and thousands of times a day. So being aware of that reception, it can go a long way. So while isolation can feel like safety, and sometimes it is, but over time it can become a quiet ache for connection. So intimacy isn't about being perfect or strong all the time, it's about being real.

29:17 And realness is what heals. So where have I chosen isolation to protect myself and where am I ready to reopen? How might I invite more intimacy into one area of my life this week? Maybe today? Through truth, through tenderness, or maybe presence?

29:59 Am I open to being loved in the ways that people want to love me? Not just for what I give, but for who I am. If you're still with me and you want to keep going, kind of let your shoulders drop a little bit, let your belly soften, continue to inhale deeply and exhale gently. You don't have to earn intimacy by being invincible. You don't have to go at it alone to prove your strength. Being seen, truly seen, is one of the most healing things that we can allow for ourselves.

31:01 You are worthy of love, You are allowed to receive and you are not alone. Possibly say to yourself or allow these words to sit within your being. Maybe you just lip them. It's safe to be seen Say it, feel it on your inhale. It's safe to be seen.

31:40 Inhale again. Connection is healing, Connection is healing. Connection to myself and connection to others. I am open to love, to love within myself and the love from those around me. OK, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode to Connecting, and I'd love to hear your thoughts.

32:27 As much as this is a one way conversation, I'd love for it to go both ways. So please feel free to reach out on Instagram. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this. If there's more that you want, then let me know. We can always have continued conversations, but I think there's a lot here to sit with and reflect on. And some of those reflective prompts, those questions, we'll put in the show notes for you too, to explore later if you'd like.

32:50 Otherwise, thank you so much. Have a great rest of your day and we'll speak to you next week. Take care for now. Before you go, let me tell you about the Going proyoga.com platform. This is an online learning platform that is suited for anyone who's interested in learning about yoga.

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