Meditation for Relationships with Leah Santa Cruz

0:01 Welcome back to the going pro yoga, podcasts and again, Michael here. And we have a guest. Once again, Leia is back with this today. So, Leia has already been on this podcast before we talk about modern meditation and the attitude round meditation, so you can go back and listen to that episode.

0:21 If you like otherwise today, Leia has joined us again and we're going to talk about how meditation can help in relationships. Welcome to the going. No, yoga podcast. If you love yoga as much as I do, then this podcast is for you.

0:38 We talk all things yoga related for teachers in order to supplement and complement and even support after a 200 our yoga teacher training. Or if you've never done a training before this podcast is all about, just learning more about yoga in an authentic way together with Paul Tio do in Byron de Marseille, we put together this podcast to provide you with a free resource to learn more about yoga.

1:00 Whether you want to share yoga, or teach yoga, or just practice yoga. This podcast is talking all things yoga related and we trying to talk from the teachers perspective and also the students perspective, to make sure we get a full 360 degree, angle on what yoga is all about and how its evolved in the modern world.

1:15 Welcome to our podcast. Leon, thank you for, and welcome back. Thanks, thanks so much. It's great to be here. Yeah, you know, I've only mentioned this in the last podcast, but for if you, if you don't familiar with me, I am a meditation teacher and I have a whole lot of meditations on the balance app.

1:36 I'm actually the co-head of meditation for that app and the coach, the female coach. And I'm I'm also co-hosting a podcast called well-balanced and we talk sometimes about meditation and other other Wellness topics. But on the app, people ask me all the time.

1:52 Was your favorite meditation? And there's a prize to here, I say the couple's meditation, because it's the most, it's an unlikely. One, they always think I'll go to like breathing or, you know, Joy meditation, but it's actually the couple's one because my relationships are so important to me. And we've designed, I designed some meditations in there that you can use with your partner or with anyone really that you love that you care about that.

2:25 You want to improve a relationship with maybe that you have tension with, or that you just want to experience more. Joy with or more appreciation with and you can do that with with your partner and I find it to be So, rewarding the times when I, when I do that type of meditation with my husband, Paul who, you know, through the show, we've actually had experiences where we were just both had tears of joy like just simcha love. Like real heart opening

2:54 experience happened during the meditation just powerful and it has the ability to take you from a turbulent. Vibration into a calm one or even two one where your softening and opening and you do it together. Yeah. Okay, not all the time but sometimes we do and I highly recommend it.

3:22 I'll eat a lot of workshops and some of them include eye gazing, right? And it's really fun to do in person and there's a little hint of that in the couple's. Station but people tend to have this really awkward unless they've done it before, they tend to feel a bit awkward.

3:42 Looking at another person's eyes intentionally like just unless you're a kid and did staring contests, you know, that's different, that's all fun. And just but like to really look at someone in the eyes, you know, I'm looking at you right now. In the eyes, there's always a moment where you want to get your eyes away and break the The stare, hmm. And where does that come from?

4:11 It's like that awkwardness usually rises from some sort of insecurity some sort of defense mechanism, perhaps, or wall that we've put up over time not that we need to be staring at each. Other's eyes with The Unbroken gaze is all the time, but it has actually been shown in research studies to elicit and oxytocin that bonding hormone Mama's get it when they look in.

4:40 Through their baby's eyes and they're breastfeeding. And it helps us to trust one another and to have deeper intimacy and in the case of, you know, romantic Partners, I have like even more satisfaction sensually with one another So I highly recommend that as actors. So what is it?

4:59 Exactly, the the meditation for couples. Well, there's a few different one Philip, I'm hearing the basically, the and I gazing exercise. Yeah, well, I give them can be a part of it, but, you know, when it comes to meditation with couples are so many ways you can go about it. And there's several different ones that we have. In that, for example, like you go and you you say, I want to do a partner meditation as a couple and a little Askew, like, okay. Our goal because meditation can

5:29 really be distinct, depending on what your goal is, if your goal is like, okay, we're in a bad place with each other and we just need to work through this anger. Well, we can be informed and by Understanding anger and going.

5:46 Okay. Yes. There's, there's the turbulence. There's the anger on the surface. But Roots really underneath is needs that are unmet wounds. A core wounds that we hold each one of us. Hold like, my core wound is that I'm not a lovable enough or I'm not enough, my husband's core wound is, I'm not respected or acknowledged and those wounds tend to like were right well with one another because we tend to trigger each other's wound and has nothing to do with the

6:18 other person. Person, you know that act might might have nothing to do with them about have to do with the past. That told me, I'm not lovable enough and then he just sent thing. That makes me that triggers that wound pushes it right in the country. Yeah, but it'll scar.

6:36 Uh-huh. And so, in the meditation practice, I can spend time. Feeling into. What is it that? What is it? That happened? Just in a very factual way. What is the story that I made it up about it? Like, what am I making this boot?

6:58 What am I making this mean? What am I believing this? Is like, what are those thoughts that are coming and saying. So, here's his love me for enough for me or he, you know, she doesn't respect me. That's what we usually are.

7:15 Making it mean and and then I can Then in the next moment. Ask what is it? What is it? That I'm feeling? Look, what is the emotions that I'm experiencing? And what's the mood that I'm in and take ownership over that? And often it's like it's not just anger. It's often like sadness or a real pain, feeling, or fear something else has other things are happening. In the might be a number of things that were feeling and then what is it that I really need? What, what could I requested

7:58 that person or what could I do in this moment? That would give me what I need to thrive. And sometimes it's like, I just need reassurance from them in this moment, we need a hug. I need, I need to cry and need a listen. I need space.

8:14 So meditation is a really nice time where we get to check in deeply with ourselves essentially. And without that check-in, we're just kind of speeding through life, taking things out on each other, because we haven't taken the time to check in and do that work and go what's really going on? Not just the story that I made up, but what I need and what might have been triggered.

8:38 You know, that's within me. And I can take ownership over and this is all things that can be done within meditation with the right guidance, or if you know how to And it has so many benefits to us as partners with someone or just even with our children or with our parents or with our friends.

9:01 Like I've had moments when I'm upset with a friend. So this works the exact same way. It's just that we tend to get more subsets with our romantic Partners, right. Because we spend most time with them and we get very close and they tend to trigger us the most. Yeah.

9:18 But yeah. You can certainly do this with any relationship and it doesn't you don't even need to be by the person to do it. You don't always have to be meditating with another person at the same time, in the same room, you can do your own work, your own meditation, and End.

9:37 See how it improves a relationship. Now, if things are already going good, then that's great. Then don't you want it to be even better? And so, one of the, one of the wonderful ways to meditate to improve your relationships, is to think about what you appreciate about, that person, like gratitude aimed at an individual, and what they brought to your life and the joy that they bring you in. You know, how they'd major world better just by being in it and how they've been a teacher for

10:10 you in some ways in some ways. Yeah, they probably get on your nerves and things are difficult about them because they're human. But there's so many things that you're learning and growing as an individual because you interact with them and so we can have appreciation for that.

10:24 Sometimes our most challenging relationships are our greatest teachers What I was thinking was. Because I'm imagining people who are in a relationship and they're like inspired and they like to meditate and they're like, I want to use meditation to improve my relationship, but my partner is not really interested in the Mediterranean aspect or they're not going to sit down and do this with me.

10:48 Yeah you kind of spoke to it just now but like you can do it for yourself and you know maybe that'll actually help. Yeah. And the relationship is there anything there that comes up for you? Or if someone's like, you know, I want my partner, I want my husband or my wife. To do this with me but I don't know how to ask them. I don't know how to get them to want to or you know like yeah. It's you know what I mean?

11:13 Yeah, you can be playful about it. Like hey, there's this guided thing that you want to try it. Let's just do to experiment and see how it goes. Like it could be weird, you know. Like we could laugh at it or you know, if they're really not open and it's like, fine I always think it's better not to push things on people that just builds resentment and and feelings like if Already have an insecurity, ER, or wound about feeling like they're not enough for that.

11:38 They're less than then sometimes pushing things on another person like that actually. Just feeds the problem more because they think, oh, you think I need to change and you don't like me who I am, and got a lotta so know when to just do the work yourself and focus on yourself and if in if you're excited about it, you're passionate about it.

12:00 You talk about it or they just see a change in you, a positive change in, you Like you doing the work yourself, or you going to improve your relationship, even if that other person isn't doing anything, because the way that you show up to them, is going to elicit better responses and we get more of what you need. And in the best case, it might Inspire them to do it, too, because they'll see such positive shifts. And they, all hang, I'm kind of interested like let's do that together.

12:23 Yeah, they become curious. Yeah, this thing you've been doing. Tell me more about it. Yeah, so that I recommend that and you know, there's sometimes I'd be before I have a tough conversation with someone. Doesn't matter who it is. I like to do that.

12:41 Kind of our traditional loving-kindness practice where I send them positive wishes, but before I do that, I do something called a just like me practice where I visualize the person. I imagined them in the utmost clarity, as much as I can like their hair, their their smile, their eyes, with their favorite outfit is, you know, their laughs.

13:08 And I try to see them as a human being, and this can be hard when it's, someone that's really done us wrong or that, someone that really angry at I could think of, in the past times when I've been really angry at someone real hatred, bitterness, and I did this. I'd practice seeing them in front of me and automatically feelings of Rage or something would come up, and it would be very intense.

13:36 So if this is really, you know, if it's really, really intense for you and you can you can back off and and and not re-traumatized yourself. Of course we don't want that. But start, try starting with people who are a little bit less. There's a little bit less turbulence with it, just a practice until you get better at it and you can picture that person.

13:59 And remind yourself that they are human being just like me. They were once a child just like me. They have experienced love just like me or being loved. They have experienced loss in some way. She perform just like me. They have.

14:27 Experience. Wins losses. Happiness and sadness, deep sadness, like me. And the, at really at the end, their core. This person just like me wants, nothing more than to be happy and to be healthy and to be free from Pain and to live life with more ease. Everyone wants that So that can be the motivator for there. That might have been the motivator for why they did what they did maybe in their own way.

15:07 All they had been taught, they only had the tools with what they've been taught, just like me know. And perhaps in their own way, they thought that they were doing the best and they could to achieve happiness and health and he's and and a life free from Pain.

15:23 Even if it didn't result in that, even if their actions really hurt another person in themselves, Yes. Usually the intention behind it. Typically is to improve. Our experience some way. So I can see them as a human and go. Wow I may not agree with what they did. I do not condone what they did.

15:49 I don't have to say that it was right or okay. but I can have compassion for that person who's doing the best with what they do, how And think that was a big thing there that I did that they're doing the best with what they know how to do.

16:08 Yeah, what would they know how to? And they don't know how they don't have the tools. Sometimes, that's what I think about. Yeah, it is. You know, I try to go to that place of compassion and empathy me. Like when someone does something that's just like I'm also like you know, they're probably doing their best.

16:26 Yeah. Or they don't know that this is disrespectful or maybe they don't realize what they're doing is you know, affecting people around them maybe they're just completely overwhelmed in their world. And then I just, I start to soften my feelings towards them and be like, I just have empathy like I, yeah, I feel bad for them. That compassion doesn't make me want to go over there and like fix their problems.

16:46 But it's more. So just that the compassion empathy there kind of softens the connection or the relationship. If you will, that I have towards that person. Yeah, to lead to some perhaps forgiveness Which is less about condoning.

17:02 A person's actions are making it okay? And more about releasing ourselves from the negative energy that were holding towards them. And that's the whole point of that kind of practice, is really about forgiveness. And really, about forgiving them Letting letting some of that letting some of that heat that that angst that hatred or bitterness, or tension, go because it just kills us inside over time.

17:30 Oh does a number and and being able to drop back into our compassionate self and and say, you know what? I wish you to be happy and healthy and free from Pain and to live life with more ease and may you have that and to and to be able to do that in our own practice and give that gift to them. It releases us.

17:57 And we never, we never have to say that to them in person. Sometimes it's not, sometimes we can, if we really feel called to another times, like it might not be a safe situation to do that. So you got to be Discerning about that but we can still do that work in. Ourselves. and, That has been really, really helpful for me. And it's been helpful for me before I have tough conversations, with somebody, if, like, they really hurt me and I know I need to have like a

18:26 conversation with them to do that. Practice beforehand, completely shifts, the entire Direction, with how I show up. I don't show up defensive anymore, I show up as more caring and I just want to be, I want to not like I just want to be heard, but like I want to hear them and I want to have more conversation versus like being to speakerphone. So, you know, Just blow long at each other. And things tend to go a lot better. Yeah.

18:53 When we prepare ourselves and that way, yeah. I think that there's so many ways we can use meditation to help improve our relationships and this is just a few of them, you know, sometimes we can do meditation and more like a tantric sensual way, or we were actually like with someone and you know, maybe holding hands or or putting a light touch or firm touch on their body and just feeling their energy or sometimes, you can sit back to back with someone and just

19:28 breathe. With them and sync, your breath or practice play with alternating your breath and then sinking your breath or swaying side to side with each other. You don't use always have to get into words to just connect, you know, even just being in a long hug with somebody and breathing with them. We be kind of drop into a mini meditation. We connect with ourselves and our own aliveness, and what's alive in us.

19:55 And we connect to to them semantically and physically what to live in them. Yeah, when you say, you know, meditation for meditation for improving relationships, you know what we've been talking about the last five minutes or so. Is your relationship with yourself is a relationship? Yeah, absolutely.

20:17 It's probably the most important one for sure. As if you have a solid relationship with yourself, that's going to reflect in the relationships externally. Yeah, as well. So it kind of goes back to the question that I was thinking that some people might have is like, how do I help? How do I do this with my My partner. How do I do this with other people? It's like you could you might be able to but it's like you can also just start with yourself.

20:37 Yeah. And that will still do a lot if not more. Yeah, absolutely. It starts, it starts here. Yeah. But we radiate we attract like who we show up as is the kind of person that we attract and then and when we spend time in meditation to know like what our needs are and our boundaries are and two, it helps encourage us to ask for what we need. in our world and to To show other people how to treat us.

21:07 Because we treat ourselves better way of like, we've up to the bar and how we treat ourselves. And so, we don't expect. We don't accept mistreatment from others, the way that we did before, we don't tolerate those things. And then when I started meditating more, seriously, a huge shift happened in my life, and it wasn't just like internal, but it was also external. All these friends that I had before it was like, it was just as weird, it just started to

21:34 drop away, we talked about that. And yoga teacher training like it'll destroy the life, you have it and rebuild a new one. And a lot of the relationships that you just won't vibrate on the same level with them anymore. And I stopped attracting the kinds of men that were toxic that I used to attract. Once I started really being serious about meditation. And and and I think has a lot to do with meditation. and I started to treat myself, so yeah, your world starts to shift a lot and there can be a A

22:08 difficult process in that, sometimes that means ending relationships and that's not always easy. But when you continue to meditate through that process, you can show up with more kindness and compassion and learn what to walk away from a not, not be abused.

22:27 That's what I was thinking and improving am a relationship. Might actually be letting go of that relationship, sometimes. Yeah. And then in, then letting it go. And sometimes, you know, they come back and in a better way.

22:39 I've I know many stories like that or people when different directions and improve themselves, and then they came back later on and yeah, Yeah so I hope that you know, you listening got some good good nuggets out of this the to take home especially if you're a meditator if you're if you're like okay but I still don't know how to meditate then go back.

23:05 Listen to the last episode that we did and also check out my My stuff on online and I can help guide you there. Yeah, exactly. So just in case, you are finishing listening to this podcast, which we're just going to finish up here and you want to connect with Leia, I mean, yeah. Go with listen to the previous episode, which is the modern meditation, and the attitude surrounding meditation. But otherwise, yeah, how can people reach out to you connect with you?

23:33 Maybe you can tell me about the meditation, teacher training that. Yeah, I was here as well. Oh yes, that's going to be awesome. We have 19 days together in He island of the Gods and we're going to be going deep. Dive into meditation, and in several forms of meditation, you'll learn many different techniques. You'll learn how to guide others, you learn how to deepen your practice.

23:55 It's not all just for people who want to be meditation. Teachers, you can also come if you just want to learn more yourself and have a transformational experience and that it will be a transformational experience. And it's August 1st, the 19th at the yoga Barn, you can find out Out more about my trainings and Retreats and classes on my Instagram, it's less Aunt L EA sa NT or on my website.

24:22 Last, Santa Cruz.com, and that's Ellie. Aah Santa Cruz.com. It will have all that in the show notes. Of course. So it's easy to click and find you there. So thank you so much Leia. You're welcome for your pleasure. Yeah, your knowledge, your experience, your energy, your presence.

24:40 And thank you all of you. Listening and sharing your time with us and letting us talk into your ear for the last 24 minutes that otherwise have a beautiful day and will speak to you next time. Ciao. All right before you go let me just tell you about the going pro, yoga.com platform. So right now you can go to going pro yoga.com and check it out for free for seven days where you can actually learn more about yoga in the ways of alignment queuing sequencing yoga Anatomy.

25:07 So that if you've done a 200, our teacher training, and you want to continue to learn practice and grow. This platform is definitely for you, so I definitely suggest checking it out going pro yoga.com right now. You can try it out for free for 7 days. practice and grow.

25:12 This platform is definitely for you, so I definitely suggest checking it out going pro yoga.com right now. You can try it out for free for 7 days.