Pride vs. Humility: When Ego Blocks Your Growth with Michael Henri

0:00 Welcome back to the Going Pro Yoga podcast. My name is Michael Henry and today is Part 2 of a three-part series exploring emotional crossroads between pushing forward and letting go. Last week in episode 1, we talked about the tension between hope and grief as it relates to pushing forward and letting go, and between determination and surrender. Those moments when you're not sure if you're being strong or if you're just holding on a little too tight. So today we're going to take it

0:33 even deeper and explore 2 emotional contrasts related to pushing forward and letting go that often live in our identity. And that is pride versus humility. Pride being associated with pushing forward and humility being associated with letting go.

0:50 We'll also explore identity versus disorientation. So these can be a little sneaky, and sometimes pride actually keeps us stuck because we don't want to appear like we failed. And sometimes letting go feels terrifying, not because we don't want to, but because we don't know who we are without that thing we're walking away from. So let's unpack this with clarity, compassion, and a little courage.

1:33 OK, let's move into the core content of this week's episode and we're going to start with deconstructing the contrast between pride versus humility. Pride being more associated with that pushing forward and humility being more associated with that letting go. So pride, having had another episode where we talked about pride in the different forms of pride, there's obviously the pride that we get from other people when they give us the validation and they tell us

2:00 we're proud of you. And there's also the self pride that we have, which is whenever we're proud of ourselves, either way, it can feel like respect or self respect and confidence within ourselves. But whenever pride becomes a little too rigid or defensive, it blocks us from the truth.

2:22 Now, when we look at humility, humility doesn't always mean self deprecation. In fact, it doesn't really mean self deprecation. It means having the strength to admit when something is no longer right for you. Or in a simplest terms, it's a modest or low view of 1's own importance or humbleness. So think of a time where you stayed committed to something, not because it was still right, but because you didn't want others to see you give up.

2:54 Now, of course, there's this relationship with quitting, giving up, surrendering, which we talked a little bit about last week. And that's always a little bit challenging because just the idea of association to those words, giving up, quitting, surrender is usually associated with some sort of weakness, or at least it might have some sort of connotation related to that word weakness.

3:16 But of course, giving up, surrendering, letting go in the context of emotional intelligence and yogic philosophy and lifestyle is not really related to actually quitting and being weak. It's more so about releasing and untying or releasing the karmic ties that are holding us down and keeping us in a rigid form and stopping us from actually expanding and growing. So the emotional nuances of pride can be actually protective but also isolating.

3:51 Whereas humility allows us to actually grow but may feel vulnerable at times or loss of face. So the challenge, do I value being seen a certain way more than being honest with myself? So I'll say that one more time. Do I value being seen a certain way more than being honest with myself? So for me personally, integrity is one of my strongest core values, probably the top one actually, I think, or at least it's the top three.

4:26 But I'll, for the sake of this episode, I'll just say that it's the first one, but it's definitely high up there. Integrity to me is very, very important. So I'm always more, let's say, conscious of being honest with myself, of course, honest with other people.

4:42 But what you show to be honest in the in the world is not necessarily truth. It's what you do behind closed doors when no one's actually looking. That is what integrity is. So to me, that's something that holds really strong for me when no one's around.

4:56 It's like, what is my integrity? If no one's going to find out what is my integrity? Is it something that I'm going to be able to feel good about, or is it something where I'm being dishonest? So for me personally, I'm not super concerned about the way people see me, at least not very much. And we can have a whole other conversation about, you know, wanting people to like you, especially as it relates to a facilitator or yoga teacher.

5:25 Like there's a certain like factor that's important. Building rapport. Even for myself, if I'm working with clients, I want to have some sort of trust there. So that's an important value. But trust doesn't necessarily mean I need to be seen in a way that people like me.

5:39 It's more so I need to be honest with them and honest with myself. And through that, the rapport will be built or that trust or that field of trust will be built. So if we talk about this pride humility from a neuroscience perspective, pride lights up these reward circuits, dopamine, as we know when we feel validated by others, we can also get these reward centers or these reward hormones release when we're actually feeling pride within ourselves as well. When pride is threatened,

6:15 whenever we're no longer able to, let's say, benefit from the pride that receiving externally or we're having a hard time actually fueling our own self pride. The amygdala, which is part of your reptilian brain going back to the the nervous system again, it reacts defensively.

6:34 It turns on that fire alarm and it starts to make us want to protect our image and want to make sure that we are being seen in a certain way. Now humility engages self-awareness within our neural network in the brain, which can be uncomfortable at first because when we start to actually see ourselves the way that we are, but it increases our emotional resilience in the long term.

7:02 So from a yogic lens, if you haven't already made the connection here, it's we're talking about Aparigraha, which is one of the yamas of the first limb of yoga, non attachment, which encourages us to release identity tied to external achievements or external pride, pride.

7:23 Pride can be ego based, but humility is a function of clarity and surrender, which is actually more related to Ishvarapranidhana, which is one of the last or the last niyama of the second limb of yoga. So yoga teaches us to honor our capacity in the moment, not what we were yesterday or what others expect us today. So yoga teaches us to honor our capacity in the moment, not what we were yesterday or what others expect of us today. So as a practice, before we move

8:01 into identity versus disorientation and dive a little bit further into this topic, I just want you to take a moment to ask yourself this question. Am I holding on to this because of how it looks, whatever this might be? Am I holding on to this because of how it looks?

8:22 So what would humility look like here and what fear does it bring up? So if you want, you can take out a journal, kind of write that down, take out your phone, just take a few notes there, whatever works for you. You can even pause the pause the podcast if you'd like to, to kind of dive into a bit more. Otherwise, we're going to move on to deconstructing the contrast or the second contrast of identity versus disorientation still within the topic of pushing forward versus letting go or the grand topic,

8:56 let's say. So when we let go of a role, a relationship, or a long term goal, we don't just lose the thing. We lose part of how we know ourselves, part of that identity associated to that role, that relationship, that goal. And that can lead to a sense of emotional Vertigo, basically meaning things are just being shaken up, things are confusing, they're disoriented, maybe a little bit dizzy. So think of a time where you ended something, maybe a career path, a relationship, a project,

9:35 even possibly a lifestyle habit, and afterward you felt some sort of void, some sort of thing was missing, not just of the thing that you let go of, but of your sense of self. How did you find clarity or space or even creativity through the story? Disorientation.

9:57 Or perhaps you haven't quite found it yet. So let's kind of go through the emotional nuances of what's actually going on here. So letting go of identity can feel like death of the known self or death of the ego. This disorientation often brings some sort of grief, some sort of fear or confusion, but at the same time also some sort of freedom and potential. It's almost like a liberation, a scary liberation because it's making there's a death that occurs in order for this creation or this new to come

10:33 through. So growth requires identity shedding. It requires death of parts of our ego or death of parts of our identity, even though it's uncomfortable. So from a yogic lens, we're talking about self inquiry, or what we would call in the Niyama's Svadhyaya self study. So this is not who I am, but who am I without all of these layers?

11:07 Each breath, each pose, each season is a practice of becoming. Not clinging to who we've been, but letting go of identity can be seen as a sacred unraveling. Even though it may feel like Vertigo or disorientated states, it's actually just kind of peeling off, whether you call it layers or just unraveling like a knot that's just got so many knots in it or not a knot. Excuse me, a rope that has so many knots in it. I'm trying to think of an example here. You know, if you have a whole

11:43 bunch of cords that you just stuffed into a bag, or if you're, if you're a camper and you pull out a rope from, you know, last year's camping season and then you pull it out and you're just like, Oh my God, it's all tangled up.

11:54 God, it's such a pain in the butt. This is going to be so uncomfortable to unravel this entire thing. But you kind of slowly need to do it eventually. And through that discomfort and that frustration, eventually things have opened up.

12:07 And now that string, that rope, the cord can now be used for something new for whatever purpose it might have. So now let's start to think about and we can kind of go back to this journal prompting part where we can kind of reflect a bit more. So ask yourself, if I let go of this identity, whatever identity it might be that you're holding onto as it relates to pushing forward or letting go.

12:35 So if you're pushing forward because you're feeling like this is who you are, this is who I need to be, this is who I've always identified as. And maybe it's related to, you know, really pushing yourself physically, whether it be in yoga classes or in a working force.

12:52 If I let go of this identity, what will actually remain? Will you fully be dead? Will will will there nothing be left of you? Or if you shed this part of your identity, is it as scary as, or is the result going to be as scary as it might feel, at least in the moment?

13:15 The truth is as well, you have to answer that question yourself. I can't answer it for you. But generally speaking, I would say that you're not going to be left with nothing if you let go of a certain part of your identity because there's many parts of our identity that can kind of, let's say, break off. It's kind of like when you're unraveling this big corridor rope, just because you you unravel one section doesn't mean that the entire rope is completely lost, right? You still have to kind of

13:40 continue to unravel to find more clarity and to make use of this entire piece. Hopefully that makes sense. It does in my head. So here's a gentle mantra meditation that we can kind of use to kind of work through this as it relates to identity. I am not my role.

13:59 I am not my achievements. I am becoming. So I am not my role, I am not my achievements. I am becoming. So you can either write that down, you can kind of reflect on this a little bit more, but the integration of this conversation is about the dualities between these two. So these dualities don't show up as a big obvious decision. They kind of whisper.

14:28 It's kind of in the background. It kind of happens unless you're conscious talking about it or addressing it like we're doing in this podcast. So pride isn't actually a bad thing, and identity isn't a bad thing either. But if they become the armor, if they become the defensive mechanism, they end up blocking expansion, They block transformation, they block growth.

14:53 So I invite you to dig a little bit deeper into your relationship with honesty, with integrity, with pride and with humility. And just think about it in a way of is this something that I'm the way that I'm responding in these situations, whether it's pride or humility or I, let's say identity or disorientation, Is it related to me needing to be this person to show up in this way?

15:21 And is it for somebody else? Is it or is it for me? Is it my ego that needs it because other people will see me in particular way? Perhaps I'm trying to portray myself in a way so that someone specifically may see me that way and then it might help me to feel more value.

15:46 So some deep questions there to think about. To feel more love possibly. So who are you becoming and what do you need to let go of to meet that version of you? So lots to kind of chew on and think about. But again, this is all coming back to the simplicity of just pushing forward that go, go, go, that almost that masculine energy driving determination. And that's surrendering, letting go, shedding non attachment easefulness, or at least eventually it becomes easeful. So next thing, we're actually

16:24 going to continue this conversation a little bit more, but we're actually going to deconstruct different emotional contrast around the same topic, and that is attachment versus freedom even more specifically, and then the fear of regret versus the relief. So these are the ones that come when you're finally ready to walk away and all the emotions crash in at one time. So you won't want to miss it.

16:50 Thank you so much for tuning in this week. I know this is a bit of a shorter episode, but I love these shorter episodes, so I'm curious to know how you feel about them. Not only for me just recording it, but even when I'm listening to podcasts, I just sometimes like a good 1520 minute, just like a little power punch.

17:06 And then I can kind of think and reflect on it. And personally for me, it's like if you know, I'm just consuming too much all the time. I'm just constantly listening to new episodes, new podcasts, I'm reading new books. And then I'm just absorbing, absorbing.

17:20 But I'm never actually integrating. I'm never actually applying. Then it kind of feels like a waste. So for me, I actually love to have something that's almost profound and then I can kind of reflect on it later. In fact, a lot of the books that I have now, I have like Buddha's teachings.

17:37 I have this other book, which is called Empowerment by one of our friends, Kifa Bates, who comes in on the empowerment training and she wrote this book that I mean, you opened up that book and you just read like one line and it just might.

17:52 Yeah. I just got to like reflect on that and sit with it. It's like so deep that it's like I can't keep reading. So I mean, that's kind of what I wanted to do with some of these episodes. So I'm curious to know and get your feedback.

18:02 So I know some of you are regular listeners and you reach out to me regularly. So just do the same. Like how are you feeling with these episodes? Give me the feedback. This is how we learn and grow. So I'm curious to hear what what that is for you.

18:15 Otherwise, thank you so much for tuning in and listening this week. If there's anything else, of course, please share with me. You can message me directly on Instagram, which will be in the show notes. Of course, you can send an e-mail, that's your thing at podcast@goingproyoga.com. Otherwise, have a beautiful day and we'll speak to you next week.

18:32 Take care for now. Before you go, let me tell you about the Going proyoga.com platform. This is an online learning platform that is suited for anyone who's interested in learning about yoga. Whether you've done a 200 hour teacher training and you want to supplement your own learning and continue to educate yourself and grow, or you just are getting started with yoga.

18:52 You're interested in the topic and you want to learn more about it. We have all the resources that are available for you. Whether it's learning more about queuing, yoga poses, sequencing, creating classes, the yoga philosophy and the lifestyle, or maybe you're interested in the anatomy and the Physiology and learning more about the body, we have so much to offer for you. And right now you can go check it out for free for seven days. And if you like it and you want

19:15 to continue as a member, right now we're doing a special offer for our podcast listeners where you can sign up for an extra 20% off. So upon registration, make sure to go down to that coupon code and push in Podcast Special 20.

19:30 Again, that's Podcast Special 20. That'll give you 20% off the membership. So if you're interested in that, I would not delay and I'd go check it out today because we're only offering this to the 1st 30 users. Again, Podcast Special 20.

19:45 Go check it out goingproyoga.com.