Self-Compassion for Teachers: Why Self-Criticism Backfires with Michael Henri

0:00 Hey there and welcome back to the Going Pro Yoga podcast. My name is Michael Henry, and today we're going to be exploring the powerful truth of the way that you hold space for others is deeply shaped by how you hold space for yourself.

0:14 So if you've ever felt like the weight of self criticism, burnout, or the feeling of never enoughness as a teacher, facilitator, or just a human being in general, this conversation is for you. So self compassion isn't a luxury, it is a leadership skill.

0:30 And today we'll walk together through the art of turning that kindness inward, not as a sign of weakness, but as a sign of profound strength. Before we get started with this week Score content, I'd love to ask for your support in reviewing this podcast. This podcast is something that we've created to share yoga with the world, to learn more about yoga in an authentic way, and also just to learn more about yourself as a personal growth tool, if you will.

1:12 And as this free resource being accessible to everyone, not everyone knows about it. And some of the best ways in which we can help to share and spread this to other people is through that review system. So if you haven't done so already, very much appreciate it.

1:25 If you go down to whatever podcast platform that you use, Apple podcast, Spotify, etcetera, Scroll down to that star review and give us some love. We'd very much appreciate it. Otherwise, let's jump into today's core topic. And really we're going to be basically emotionally contrasting to conversations between self criticism and self kindness.

1:50 Now, I've had a few conversations different people over the years on this podcast. And one of them in particular, Kat Kibera, good friend of mine and colleague, we work together on teacher trainings. She said a statement once that has always really sat with me and that is that she's never met anyone who's been too kind to themselves.

2:10 And I always thought that was really interesting because it's true. I mean, we're always very self critical of ourselves. We're always kind of talking down to ourselves in some ways. And you know, we have moments where I'm sure we are trying to be kind to ourselves, but are we really like overly kind? So I would say that it's something that is probably not that common.

2:29 So with that context in mind, let's kind of go through the definition of what self criticism and self kindness is. So self criticism is the inner voice that judges, blames or diminishes you. It often speaks from fear trying to keep you safe, but can disconnect you from your growth and your wholeness. Versus self kindness is meeting yourself with gentleness, patience, and encouragement, especially when you're feeling vulnerable.

3:04 It's an active choice to treat yourself as you would a beloved student or a friend. So the voice of self criticism often speaks loudly in leadership. You should have done that better. You should have known better. You're not cut out for this.

3:22 You let them down. You could have performed in a better way. You should have known better. All this kind of language might sound familiar. There might be a different dialogue. But at the end of the day, think of a recent time where you had an experience and perhaps you were a little hard on yourself.

3:42 Maybe it was after teaching yoga, maybe it was after any kind of experience, maybe facilitating or being in some sort of leadership role, maybe just even showing up. What did your inner voice say and how did it feel in your body? Were you actually kind to yourself or were you critical of yourself?

4:03 Were you highlighting or looking at the positive, the learning moments or the lessons in the experience? Or were you just kind of carving yourself up and being really hard on yourself? So when we look at this from a yogic lens, if you haven't guessed already, we're talking about ahimsa. Ahimsa, the first yama in ethical guideline in yoga philosophy, which is all about the practice of non violence, not only towards others and let's say other beings, but especially towards ourselves.

4:39 So self criticism can be a subtle form of inner violence versus self compassion then becomes an act of living your yoga inwardly first. So when we practice ahimsa for ourselves, we're very much practicing kindness towards ourself. And while we think of this terminology ahimsa about the violence of other people, whether it be the words, I think sometimes of like the destruction of nature and trying to minimize the amount of violence outwardly, I think it's not as often focused of the

5:16 violence that we inflict on ourselves. And that's very much what we're talking about today. So research shows that self compassion or self compassionate people are more resilient and more motivated and less likely to burn out. Far from making us lazy or complacent, but self kindness energizes us in a sustainable, growing way. So what would change if I spoke to myself like someone I deeply cared for?

5:49 How often do you speak to yourself like someone that you cared for? Now we would never really, you know, someone who's close to us. Speak down to them or be critical to them as much as we are critical to ourselves. So just keeping that in mind, not necessarily in this particular moment, but there are moments throughout our days where, you know, we're going through life and sometimes we expect more of ourselves for different reasons.

6:20 Whether it be expectations that are being placed on us in the working world, friendships, relationships, or maybe it's just expectations that we put on ourselves because of certain goals, certain desires, or possibly some sort of outside pressures may be related to financial or professional or maybe even personal. Either way, this external pressure or this internal pressure that exists.

6:48 While it can be helpful to have this because like they say, diamonds are made under pressure but not at the risk or let's say the negative effect of kind of self destruction. So we can kind of look at this in another way if we were to kind of contrast similar but different terminology like inner punishment versus inner peace. So how is that different?

7:16 Inner punishment is the habit of blaming or shaming ourselves for imperfections or mistakes. It often creates a cycle of pain that blocks learning and compassion versus this inner presence is the ability to stay connected with yourself and that open heartedness and that awareness.

7:39 It means witnessing your experience, whatever you're doing without judgment, and allowing space for healing, growth, and learning. So staying connected to yourself is something that is ultimately the goal. That's where the presence remains, You know, yoga, and I wouldn't even say just in the yoga space, but you can kind of see it all over the Internet. It's all about being present.

8:04 It's all about staying in the moment, this type of conversation, this type of language. So that inner presence is really the foundation of everything. When we are centered in ourselves, when we're connected to ourselves truly and in a nonviolent way, we can also connect to others in a nonviolent way.

8:26 So often when we make a mistake or simply feel vulnerable, the reflex is punishment, replaying, criticizing and shrinking ourselves. But there's another option. That presence, that presence, that connection to yourself, that centredness with yourself. The centredness with your true authentic self. So when we are connected to ourselves, we're meeting ourselves the way that we would meet a student, a friend, a colleague who is learning with patience, empathy and warmth. So just like you're kind to

9:03 certain people, maybe you have nieces, nephews, children, or maybe you're a teacher, or maybe you have students who are a little bit younger and you have that compassion, that empathy and that patience for them when they're learning and they're going through any process. But why do you know, why don't we have that same kind of experience or that same, let's say, outward energy towards ourselves?

9:27 So taking that outward energy and moving it inward, how could we be kinder to ourselves and maintaining that presence and that centredness? So recall a moment when you softened towards yourself instead of spiraling into blame.

9:44 Has there been a moment where you actually noticed? Huh. I am being a little hard on myself. Maybe I can be a little bit softer. Maybe I can be a little bit kinder. If you have, what actually shifted for you, did you notice the difference?

9:57 Maybe energetically? And how did it feel to offer presence rather than punishment? Now, if this is something that you haven't done before, maybe consider trying it and seeing how that works for you. At the end of the day, yes, presence is, you can say that the ultimate goal so that we can experience life in every particular moment.

10:21 But let's face it, I mean, life is ups and downs. There's emotions and things we're feeling, we're experiencing the world around us. Our nervous system is constantly collecting all the information and we're kind of like this roller coaster of emotions going up and down depending on what's going on around us.

10:38 But maintaining presence with ourselves, regardless of the outside world, is one of the ways in which we can stay kind to ourselves and ultimately kind to others as well. So this kind of goes back to the yogic lens of Svadhyaya self study, so invites us not to just observe ourselves, but to do so with curiosity rather than judgement.

11:07 So real growth actually begins in the presence, not in the pressure. So Spy Yaya is probably actually one of my favorite, let's say, yogic philosophy perspectives. In fact, a lot of the podcasts that I've been doing lately have been very much about self study and self reflection related to emotions, personal well-being, and just noticing how we operate in this world and how we operate within ourselves and our internal, let's say, matrix. So when we look at it also from,

11:40 let's say a scientific perspective, when we offer ourselves compassion, that parasympathetic response of our nervous system, which is more of the calming system, the regulated part of our system, it begins to activate. And this fosters a physiological sense of safety, which supports clear thinking, creative problem solving and authentic leadership. So ultimately when we are being hard on ourselves, it can be often times associated with the fact that we are not in this centered present state, but that

12:14 centered present state is in fact also a regulated nervous system state. So when we say to be centered, to reconnect with ourselves, we're ultimately saying to regulate ourselves, to regulate our nervous system, to regulate between that active and calm state where we can be alert, but then also kind of grounded at the same time.

12:42 So there's power in that balance. Now gently place one hand if you can, whatever you're doing, gently place one hand over your heart and feel the rise and the fall of your breath. Just for a moment. We're going to take a moment to just kind of connect with ourselves. So hand on the heart, maybe one hand, two hands, and just start to feel your breath, just start to feel your body. One of the simplest and easiest ways in which we can reconnect with ourselves is noticing how

13:23 real we actually are, how physically real we are. Like actually touching your body and noticing that you exist. So with your hand on your heart, breathing deeply into it. Maybe whisper or hear or think the words in this moment.

13:43 I choose presence over perfection. Take a big breath in and breathe it out. I choose presence over perfection. So self compassion isn't about ignoring our growth edges, it's about creating an inner climate where growth is actually possible. So thinking of this, when have I extended compassion towards other people and how might Ioffer that same compassion towards myself?

14:27 What parts of me are asking for understanding rather than criticism? Those parts that are requesting or asking for understanding might be a younger version of you, someone who might not actually know and they're just doing their best. At any particular time, we could be doing our best and being hard on ourselves or criticizing ourselves, thinking that there are more, let's say, ways in which we could be better. There may be some truth that we could potentially learn and grow.

15:08 But criticizing, punishing is not a way in which we're going to be able to get there. It's compassion and it's understanding. And if you just think about this as it relates to children, right, we don't. If we punish and we come down onto and we criticize, that is not going to help the child learn to grow and experience this in a different way. It's only going to cause, let's say, more harm than good. So how would my leadership as an individual, as a yoga teacher, as a human evolve if I rooted in

15:47 self kindness, if I myself was kind to myself, regularly compassionate towards myself? Think about how that would reflect outwardly towards the people around you, relationships, professionally, personally and so on. So you are not leading from perfection, but you are leading from presence. And that is enough.

16:15 So when possible, yes, staying present is a great way to go. It's a great motto. It's a great thing to think about and connecting with your own breath, connecting with your own body at any particular time is one of the easiest and simplest ways that we can do that at any particular time.

16:36 And by doing so, we might actually be able to find that compassion that exists inside us and that we share with other people and how we can start to share that more with ourselves. You might already share it with yourself now, but why not share it so much that you can start to claim the throne and the tiara of being too compassionate and too kind towards yourself?

17:02 And so you don't have to be flawless to be impactful, and you don't have to be endlessly self critical to stay accountable. You are allowed to be a work in progress and a powerful guide at the same time. Your leadership deepens not when you are harder against yourself, but when you soften towards yourself.

17:31 So those times in which you feel like you need to build that drive and really kind of build the furnace to move towards a goal or to move towards something that's important to you, try not to, you know, hit yourself with a whip.

17:48 Maybe you actually need to have a little bit more compassion and love towards yourself in order to progress forward. But I will be honest, some people do need a little bit of that kick in the butt. I get that. But a kick in the butt doesn't need to be, let's say, as regularly repeated from a self critical perspective.

18:08 Sure, there are times where we do need a good kick in the butt, but I'd say most of the time we need to be a little bit softer towards ourselves, generally speaking. And again, at the end of the day, it is a balance between both self compassion, self love, and also self respect.

18:26 I love myself and I also respect myself and know that I can perform well and I'm going to continue to work at it. But I'm going to be kind to myself when I do it. I'm going to enjoy the process while I do it. I'm going to learn along the way.

18:44 So let's close this episode today with a few breaths to anchor this practice of self kindness, loving kindness. So wherever you are, you know, settle in if you can, option to close your eyes if that feels comfortable for you and just start to connect with your own breath.

19:07 Maybe relax the jaw, your shoulders, your hands, wherever they are. Maybe place them somewhere comfortable for you. Maybe you can keep them on your heart. If you would like to feel that breath more deeply, take a slow, steady inhale and take a full releasing exhale. Inhale and softly say to yourself or think the words Ioffer myself kindness in exhale, release, Ioffer myself kindness and release in hell.

20:02 Again, I lead from presence, not perfection. I lead from presence, not perfection. One last breath, together, inhale. I hold space for myself with love. I will hold space for myself with love. So thank you for being exactly as you are, for continually growing and learning more about yourself, holding compassion, holding space for yourself so that we can do the same for others. And I'll leave you with a few, let's say, reflective prompts to think more about this

21:09 conversation, maybe journal about it. So I'll read them out loud, nice and slow. And we'll also have them in the show notes so you can kind of refer back to them or maybe you like to see them as a more of a visual person. I get that.

21:24 So first one, when I notice self criticism arise within myself, what could I say instead? What kind of language or what kind of words would be more supportive towards me? And maybe those words for you might be softer or slightly more, let's say masculine motivating.

21:53 But either way, when you notice self criticism arising, what could you say instead? What would be a little bit more on the self kindness level, the presence level, or the self compassionate level? What small act of kindness could Ioffer myself today? Have you given yourself a moment of kindness today? Have you ever actually reflected to yourself something that you love about yourself?

22:36 And how does self compassion strengthen my ability to hold space for others? So how does self compassion strengthen my ability to hold space for others? So a few things to think about, a few things to journal on, maybe meditate on. Otherwise, that is today's episode talking about holding space for yourself, self compassion, leadership skills, ultimately a balance between this kindness and this respect towards ourselves, direction, motivation, determination. But then also that compassion

23:19 and kindness instead of that self criticism, instead of that inner punishment in finding ways that even though, and even when we make mistakes and we might even feel vulnerable, instead of reflexing back to that punishment, replaying, criticizing or shrinking ourselves, we meet ourselves with presence. We meet ourselves in the way in which we would meet someone else, someone we care about, maybe a student, a loved 1A child who is still learning with

23:53 patience, with empathy and with warmth. Thank you so much. We hope you have a beautiful day and we'll speak to you next week. Take care for now. Before you go, let me tell you about the Going proyoga.com platform. This is an online learning platform that is suited for anyone who's interested in learning about yoga.

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